All five two of me

deactivating hiatus; im back!

2010-05-03T11:56:00.007+08:00

okay so, i thought of pursuing this space rather than to abandon it. for one, it has been my domicile and for two, it has been my road to the writing street:)

i'd like you to pay attention as i put into typing what has been on my mind since the other night. i couldn't find time until today.

here it goes...

it's summer, the last day of april, and the last day of school i had for that week. the day before that, i met my teacher at a fast food chain and greeted her. she was one to hone me, the part of me that is articulate and a fluent speaker of this language, the part of me made creative in writings and literary compositions. and then she informed me about my High School Yearbook. i got excited then...

out of the blue the sudden excitement faded, the smile turned into a frown. i gasped. i told myself i was getting old. one academic year had passed and there was nothing to freak out about. i thought again... i was an incoming sophomore in college, then.

right after my last class that friday i went to visit my home. the place was empty but solemn. right at the portals, one security guard (i think he's new) didn't recognize me. so he was a bit cold in welcoming me. i went straight ahead and met another security guard where i was instructed to log in. she recognized me so well and told my companion how kind i am. the simple "mabait yan siya" (she's kind) overwhelmed me.

then i moved forward, passed by the gym where i marched during graduation. nothing changed, though... and a little bit ahead i met our school bus driver. at a few distance, he also recognized me and flashed a smile. when i was nearer he asked me why i was there and i told him about the yearbook. it was so nice of him to lead the way...

finally, i reached the canteen... specifically at the books' section where i could claim my yearbook. without a word, again, the canteen lady recognized me and handed me the yearbook. she didn't even bother to check my receipt. then we had a little chitchat and she told me i'm still that beautiful student she knew back then... i turned my back when i heard someone calling me. it was our school cook. she very well knew of my favorite cuisine in the school and told me to come back and have some of it.

eventually, i walked past my old classroom. i walked as slowly as possible because i didn't want time to bring me back to reality. memories played like a streaming video in my mind. good old memories. i sighed. i was near the gate again... one last glimpse of my alma mater and then i bid farewell.

the reminiscence did not end that way... and one sensible reflection entered my mind. i made a name in that school. a name out of myself. not out of attachments such as achievements and possessions. they remembered me for me and not for what i did and had done. i am popular and known to be the person i am.. and then i was back to reality again... back to being older than a senior in high school.:)

2009-12-31T20:59:00.003+08:00

It's fifty-nine minutes down the hour of 8'o clock in the evening, that means i am three hours and one minute close to greeting new year's eve. I am full of Harry Potter and nightmares in my mind that i can't think of raging about how my mom, again, totally forgot me or set me aside as her least priority, she haven't even messaged me nor called since Christmas. You can't put the blame on me in any angle because, i as her only daughter, clearly have all the right in the world to be one of her greatest priority, for one, she hasn't got a new boyfriend, and i no longer have a father. i don't think she's been that busy, she's apparently ignoring me because she knows how little of a mother she has been to me.

I am tired of raging at, crying for and destroying my mood everytime i meet new years just because she does not exist. if she wants it that way, then be it. I won't cry tonight, i will act as if i do not have a mother. after all, i was always on my own.

so yeah, i'm counting down... i can't wait to have a blast on my out-of-this world laugh and with that i will try to muster, with all my might, the courage to be happy ALONE. :D

of course, i ain't alone. i have my cousins, aunts and uncles, who never deprived me of love, care and attention a parent has to give. i've learned to live with them and it seems that i we part, i'd miss them more than my mother.

My mother is sweet, though, giving me all the stuffs i need, i mean, material stuffs. Luxuries, money, gadgets and stuffs. All that except her holistic being of a parent.

Wishing each and everyone of you a happy New Year!

SHOES FEVER

2009-12-30T19:46:00.005+08:00

I fancy these! Beautiful shoes take you to beautiful places. :D for those of you who wants to give me a gift, here you go... you have choices.

year-ender

2009-12-29T14:45:00.003+08:00

I am typing as my mind's recalling things because i could not muster enough strength to organize a post worthy to be called a writer's piece.

this is my year-ender, shall we start? =)

My TOP 10 note-worthy memoirs:

1. Entering College life

2. Meeting my new best friend, Louise

3. Going on seperate ways with what i learned to cherish, dream with and live for- my high school friends.

4. Proving myself worthy of and competitive in the new academic arena

5. Being an active staff in a publication

6. being accepted in a decent debate organization

7. Building a more intimate bond with my best friends Edsel, Roland and Marsh through surviving FIGHTS.

8. Meeting my mom, once again in 5 years.

9. Officially cooking for my family

10. BEING SINGLE THE WHOLE YEAR.

TOP 3 RULES BROKEN:

1. Cheating on Major Exams

2. Allowing alcohol in my system

3. Ditching a class

THINGS I WILL CHANGE ON 2010

my FASHION SENSE

my STUDY HABITS

my DIET

my COLLECTIONS

my LOVELIFE

ME.

And...

To all of you, my friends, my family and bloggers out there,

THANKS FOR BEING PART OF MY 2009 AND PLEASE JOIN ME AS I FACE 2010.

A FUNNY SCENE

2009-12-28T16:04:00.002+08:00

so today, when i was in the kitchen, trying to scavenge on some food, i met a very funny accident. well i guess, today is one of my luckiest day, sarcastically speaking. I nearly got electrocuted while leaning on the electric stove and when i backed off as a defense mechanism, i found myself beside the fridge, this time, nearly sliding so hard that it nearly rip my legs apart. good thing again, i am lucky to not meet the actual aftermath of a close-to-danger accident. yeah, so i NEARLY got totally hurt, so to speak :D

what's your funny story?

CHRISTMAS, WHITE ELEPHANT and ME.

2009-12-27T16:33:00.011+08:00

she's not hungry, is she?

he thinks he's HOT. i'm afraid he isn't. :D

my HS classmates preparing the gifts

some music and tequila. :D

All single ladies. me at the left. :D

creamy or dry? it's carbonara, baby...

Kaye, me and Jela (with her guitar), jamming...

Porpis Girls.

Hetty and Jobee

Us again with our beloved PETE (in his red shirt)... we used to bully him way back in HS.

Girlfriends.

Vanity much, girls?

Not again...

In the Cathedral while chitchatting. :D

Before starting the gist of this lengthy post, let me first greet each and everyone of you a belated Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

there's actually nothing special on Christmas seasons for me, every year. nevertheless, i do not neglect Christmas day. I do give Christmas gifts, stay awake on Christmas eve (like i sleep early on ordinary days, do i?) and greet my friends. For one thing, i do have my own perception of Christmas. I am indeed from another race but that doesn't hinder me to celebrate with my Christian friends by simply manifesting love and care for them; I believe that's the spirit of Christmas.

The whole of my christmas break was spent at home doing household chores, watching tv, taking long naps and reading the fifth Harry Potter book. Also, Nurse-patient interaction paper, Skeletal system and Biomolecules didn't give my to-do list a break. The break's about to end but i still haven't started any of my academics having thought that i should really take a break and set aside my school quandaries. but how will i be exempted from the final examination if i don't score much and have less than 3 mistakes in Biochemistry? Sometimes i feel guilty of underusing my wits. I really don't have this diligence in me and i only depend on stored knowledge for survival. i am such an ass!

The only day i call FUN is the 27th of December where i, for the first time, witnessed a christening (baptismal ceremony) of my first ever goddaughter, the daughter of my former high school teacher. after that we had the reception at Grand Astoria Hotel where family, friends and us, former students of my teacher, were gathered there. that was just a short celebration which comprised of a three-hour eating, chitchatting and picture taking period.

I am seventeen years old but i'm still inlove with children's party theme where i get to see a lot of cute mascots. so Hetty and Jollibee were there. Oh god, i want to have one forever stuck in my room. So, yeah. I still am this five-year-old-wannabe brat stuck in a five-foot-two-inch frame.

From a very grand setting, we had an after party at one of my high school classmate's extra crib, when i said extra i meant unused. we usually party there, actually. Creamy carbonara or what they simply call white spaghetti was prepared. it was the best of all the carbonaras i've tasted, though. And then there... i had my first shot of tequila. i don't drink at all, i swear even if the event calls for it. call me a kill joy, if you want. When i tasted it, i nearly puked and my friends tried all their might to keep me composed. i liked the sensation, though. it heated up my throat until my torso, and it felt good, except for the medicine-like taste. i can't blame them, there wasn't any chaser (salt and lemon) to accompany the tequila.

the highlight of every christmas party, the exchanging of gifts, finally came. but it was different this time, having WHITE ELEPHANT as the theme. for those of you who don't know, the mechanics are: 1. Gather all the gifts in one place. 2. mark the gifts with number 1 until the last number of the quantity of gifts available. 3. let the participants pick a number 4. locate the gift which correspond to the number on the paper picked 5. open the gift but then the gift, isn't still yours by that time. I received a FREE 2010 calendar that made me go mad. i didn't spend my money for a gift to just receive a give-away calendar. so i was thankful it wouldn't be mine permanently. the last rule was that, person number one could get any of our gifts as an exchange of the gift he's holding. if the GIFT were exchanged for TWO times, the second owner owns it forever and is not entitled to exchange again. So i had a Mickey mouse pen-holder for myself.

Right after the exchange gift i went home, feeling the sudden after-take effects of what i drank, obviously. but it was just a shot, i thought. maybe this was some kind of stress. but the whole day i felt strange about a past love issue. yeah, he was there. we got on a ride together, only the two of us. he kept sitting beside me. we kept talking. but that was all a FRIENDLY gesture from him. what gave me the slightest twinge of rage, jealousy and pain, all the same, were my teacher and classmates linking him to another classmate of mine. they'd always joke about "uyy wag ganyan, magselos si Fatima! (Hey, don't be like that, Fatima will get jealous)". and the most embarassing thing that will mark for a lifetime is how my teacher named her baby girl after HIM and the other HER. :'(.

In the end, i still didn't expect myself to feel this way. i thought i've gotten over and found out that DISTANCE was the only thing responsible for me lay-lowing my feelings toward him. And it came clear that the reason why i don't get attracted to my suitors and other guys was HIM. but then i still don't want to be in a hurry. I am comfortable of having him as a best friend, maybe forever. and i still am enjoying my life as a single person.

wait for my Year-ender post along with a surprise. :D i am sure to regain all my readers before 2010.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I AM A MUSLIM

2009-12-07T17:21:00.003+08:00

this is my fellow MUSLIM, dead.

i, once again, found the urge to blog, the urge to speak my dignity out, this time. long have i stayed passive in the cyber world watching people who MAKE me want to laugh at hypocrisy so much.

saints, venerables and more good samaritans, are they still existent? yes, they do. they do, in the hearts of those who perge their soul instead of latching things in. passive people are not always the nice guys, they, who stay undecided are still instruments of prolonged violence. for if only they'd stick to peace advocates firmly, will there be a more powerful antidote against the poisonous world there lies.

I am a Muslim and it affects me. I am a Muslim and it hurts me. i've never put other religion in vain just because a few of their race are barbaric or whatsoever. i've never generalized and jumped into conclusion because i know how it'll turn out to be the dumbness in me. I am a Muslim and i went to a Catholic school. Christian Living Education was part of my 8 years stay in that school, and i am not regretful of that experience. I have studied the beliefs and trends of a Roman Catholic, what similiarities and differences it has with my religion, ISLAM. I also had a background of the rest of the religions, because just like my kind, the Catholics do study other religion in order to be able to respect and build rapport with them, to refrain from offending them and the like.

My dear brothers and sisters, inspite of the different religions we have, i believe that we are taught to respect, accept and not generalize mankind. i believe we, in our respective religions, were never asked by our leaders to be racists.

I know i couldn't fix, any less, the damage that has been done to the nation of Maguindanao. I could not cast a spell in order for people to forget the trauma, and much more, i could not bring back the life that was taken, but then again, that's not a reason for people to count me in as part of that barbaric deed. yes, me. I am a MUSLIM and they hurt me everytime they generalize or call my religion a fag!

and think about this. about 78% of the Maguindanao population comprises of Muslim people, and most of them died. now tell me how these innocent Muslim lives are barbaric everytime you generalize?

why can't these people understand that what had happened to the state of Maguindanao is not a race issue? it's a POLITICAL ISSUE, damn, you lot!

i can no longer be silent when you say "FUCK YOU MUSLIMS, FUCK YOU ALLAH!" I can no longer sleep at night without my inside raging and my outside laughing at the statements "you MUSLIMS, YOU'RE DUMB! OH AND YOU ALREADY LEARNED HOW TO USE FACEBOOK, WOW! YOU KNOW NOTHING BUT TO MAKE YOURSELVES RICH AND GO OUT!"

I am not dumb, is that enough? i am here, using a high form of conversation, writing, to defend my kind. does that prove how much not ALL MUSLIMS are what you think they are? is it not enough that i am a MUSLIM but i adapt to the modernity of today? or is it not all the more enough that i didn't go to your house and kill you? IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT I STILL HAD PITY ON YOUR DIRTY DIGNITY AND DID NOT NAME YOU HERE?

this goes to you, who think lowly of MUSLIMS.

I AM A MUSLIM, AND MUSLIM MEANS PEACE. I AM A MUSLIM AND I STILL WANT PEACE.

CURRENT STATUS: taken aback

2009-11-14T20:13:00.009+08:00

Status: I am but the opposite of what used to be me, talk about a bookworm and a responsible school girl.

so lately, the above one-liner says it all. but i prefer to sort out my long absence into details, for those of you who still care. now that i am half way through my freshman year in college, there seemed to be a lot i had to keep in mind. it's not the lessons i had in that four-cornered classroom what apparently is not any conducive for learning, but it's the lesson i learned outside it and inside when there was no professor to feed us.

I admit that i did not do my best in the first half of the semester i had, and regression is always at the finish line of the race. at some point in my life, i have conjured mark on professors i encountered, mostly good and two, just two bad. who would have thought that the professor hated by almost the whole population of our class said this "Hey, you! you would have to see me from time to time because i'm gonna miss you" to me? I turned away, smiling as though that was the biggest joke i've heard. but then again, it wasn't JUST THAT to me, it gave my heart the unusual tug and my eyes the tears i tried not to cry.

About the two professors who didn't like me, that wasn't my problem at all. i pity them for not fulfilling 60% of their role as an educator. 60% for me is how teachers would understand the learning points of their students. i remember once in high school when my teacher used to say, "you kids learn in different ways. some would be distracted if they'd never get to draw on their notebooks, some wouldn't give a damn to listen when they are deprived of talking and some couldn't manage it when the surrounding's noisy. but then again, just do what ever you are comfortable to do without stepping on others personal growth too". yeah, this teacher of mine, i don't understand. in fact, i was the highest in her class but she hated to see my mouth opening. i can't even discuss the lessons with my seatmates because from time to time, she'd deduct points from me. My other professor told me that behavior is subjective and must not be graded. she even called my attention a lot of times just because i'd mutter things while she's talking in front but in the end, she understood that, i was too inclined to her lesson and that i had to argue on my own. thus, she handled it very well, unlike this professor of mine who do not understand at all.

i once flew off from one group to another, in our classroom. yes, we were and we are now isolated. i was once welcomed in a group but i felt quite odd because they were high school classmates so i flew over a group of people who were from different schools. it was fun, though. when time went by, i realized how i wasn't myself anymore. i hated issues but then i became a hypocrite making issues of other people. at least i admitted it today.

i told myself it wasn't too late to make the most out of my freshman year, so i started all over. always got the seat in the front so i was out of temptation. usually i'd stay at the back so i could cheat. but now there's no turning back now that i quite had a good start. i really want to reap what i really sow on my own. i really want to be fair with myself. if i stick to cheating, what is there to apply when i hadn't learned anything on my own?

since i started with myself, i also patched things up with my preference of friends. i didn't want any friendly contact with those people who turned me dull, so every vacant times, i'd stay put and read books. anyway, aside from coming back to the good side, i am really succeeding in sucking out the venom in me. i just love the word PRIVACY now that i have it. at least, i don't have to flaunt my life all over useless bunch of gossip diggers and sluts. my social life wasn't destroyed in any way. my friends are carefully chosen and truly cherished now.

and with what i used to call love? well i got over it. i'm gonna talk about it some other time. :D

have you had enough? gotta stop my fingers from dancing now.

Paparazzi Plus Gay Stuffs

2009-10-06T18:34:00.003+08:00

How will you most likely react when all the happiness you had just yesterday turned out to be your nightmare today? What's with the paparazzi taking a picture of me and him walking together all soaked in rain? i mean, why do people deprive me of my happiness through intruding in moments they aren't supposed to be intruding? i mean, that was my moment with him. and just like scaring off a stray dog or cat, it was exactly what they did to HIM. now he's scared to be near me, scared to be talked about and scared to be in controversies and issues all because of one stupid photo. the photo wouldn't be any stupid, it could have been a sweet memorabilia if only it wasn't used as a laughing stock and an evidence of some so-not-true issues. what's even worse than being the last to see your own picture when you can't explain to people what was really behind that photo? just great.

then everything followed. it became worse. thanks to these people. now the friendship i've been trying to build in five months time went berserk. i hate him for thinking that i'm desperate or something. he lost his I.D and thought that i kept it. like why should i? then i said, those are all GAY stuffs. he shouted "SHUT THE FUCK UP BIATCH."

"you'll regret that you used the word BIATCH on me. i swear i'll make you feel miserable at best, you GAY PROSTITUTE!"

i have learned enough from my past experiences and known how a boy's perspective work, i am totally correct when my instinct tells me certain things. it's just that as a person who's inlove, i choose to love every single cell confined in his body, even his flaws and stupidity, all the same. i saw everything and was never blinded but i'm the one who's closing my eyes and trying not to fall into pieces and breakdown each time he hurts me. that's me when i'm inlove. very sensitive and vulnerable but dynamic and martyr. in the end, no one likes me when i'm mad 'cause they know they'll be done for. they know very well how i could become their downfall. i'm very much ready to get hurt and suffer, only when it's meant to be that way. Once i know that i'm taken advantage of and abused, then that's a whole lot of different story... DIFFERENT. STORY.

When you're all soaked in the pouring rain with the one you love...

2009-10-05T19:16:00.003+08:00

i usually hated the rain for the cold weather, the wet streets and because i'd end up with colds and no one to hug when i'm cold. OMG, i just can't make up my thoughts. could this be a freestyle post? I can't just express the whole ecstasy.

Now he's gone beyond the usual. We walked under the pourinng rain, exchanging smiles. i'm kinda lost for words and i just can't take off this smile when he said the words "I LIKE YOU". i don't know if he meant it.

i shall go for now, ciao!

When vanity strikes

2009-10-03T22:16:00.003+08:00

bottom-line: notice my NEW HAIR

Friday Madness

2009-10-02T23:16:00.004+08:00

With the new look of my blog, i am more comfortable to write, if you find it somewhat ill-suited, just bear with me please.

***

Early this morning, as i was about to dash into the sacred gate of my academe, i encountered something not likely to happen in day-to-day basis. 'Twas a motorcycle- vs.-a car accident, where the motorcycle driver is at fault. She was a girl, though and that gave me an impression that she was a little bit worthy of my pity. However, the car whose owner i think had a very bad day to start is was more pitiful. I knew the driver of the car tried to drive as safe as he could but the aggressive motorcycle made her overtake and got nothing but her bones nearly broken or perhaps injuries that would, in time, give her scars and remind her of her clumsiness, how lame!

This event once again tested how much of a nurse's trait penetrated into my core from my few months of stay in the College of nursing. All i did was to stare closer into the devastating scenario that went vague because of the rushing thoughts in my head. I almost felt my knees go numb and then there's this "hey, you are a future nurse, you idiot. now hold yourself together and think of what you can do to help". God-willing, the said driver didn't have any major casualty and managed to stand up by the help of those people whom she bumped into.

So life went on... i went straight to class with all the poise, as if nothing had happened, and found my classmates all hushed and intact in their respective seats. OMG, there'll be a test in Psych! I tried to do all the cramming but nothing really went in. I sat quietly, still hopeless. Then my friends came over and sat beside me. Once again, i cheated. Oh my, i'm really getting good at it. But of course, i still manage to cheat with comprehension, not just mere cheating without knowing how in the world did that become an answer or whatnot. Oh yes, the test ended, but my head wasn't in the proceeding discussion at all. I was busy daydreaming (can't remember what) when HE gave me a chocolate (Some hershey's from his father who's a pilot) and all my friends started to yell. Yeah, right. Was it supposed to be some Happiest moment?

Classes went on with Chemistry, yeah, alcohols, alcohols and alcohols! When suddenly HE asked my seatmate to exchange seats with him. so, there, we sat together. what now? no, i wasn't red as a tomato, was i? OMG!

Glenn (my brotherly friend) and Ryan said they've noticed strange things, you know, about the HE of my life. They call it a PROGRESS. If it is, then let it be. I am some sort of going with the flow, because planning is useless when you love someone UNPREDICTABLE! some GAY (no, not literally. it's just how we, his friends, call him).

In the end, Prof. Mathematics did not make his way to the class so i was lucky enough to register in the alumni homecoming held at my previous school attended. So i went there, met my high school teachers and friends, chitchatted and stuffs then went home. :D

So today is one hell of a day. It is in my Horoscope that FRIDAY is my lucky day. Was it lucky? what do you think?

BLIND ME, please.

2009-10-01T10:36:00.003+08:00

BLIND ME, please.

I walked down the strenuous streets, noticing every activity that was visible to my retinas. I came across a blind man and thought that he was luckier to have not seen actions that would trigger heart aches. It felt quiet odd walking alone with emptiness wrapping up your whole thoughts. I came rushing down to our place just to pour out another sentiments i quite kept for some time.

i always feel like crying and i wonder how things give me the creeps that easy. I read a blog from my elemtary-till-high-school classmate, Mykee, and she was talking about some Bipolar Disorders. Honestly, i was thinking that i'm nearly hitting the symptoms of a person diagnosed with one, or maybe im overthinking.

I am mad at myself for being too expressive. Filipinos have a nature of conservativeness in girls. traditionally, boys are the only ones who's got the right to express and court their love interests. i am mad for being unable to keep my feelings to myself. well, yes, i wouldn't say what i feel for that guy directly but by just one glimpse of how i treat him or look at him gives the people their correct conclusion. I always tried to hide it, i just can't. I am not DESPERATE, i just can't pretend i don't care at all where in fact, i do, so much.

I just don't get it why love is something beyond the control of the mind, something beyond my unconscious level of thinking. Sometimes it's too much to bear. Lucky are those who are in the good side of love. Why can't a person stop abusing the person that's giving off love for him? i mean, the fact that one can't even repay the love back is too much for hurting the one who does love. Like if you don't love someone or can't love him back, just shut up and accept that someone's done things without asking you to return the favor back. why should one say "eeew, just not you, you really suck! stop loving me..." etc. Because i can even tell you guys, you who do not appreciate at all, if the heart could only be taught or programmed to stop loving someone, it'll be very easy to take off and just give you a kick in the ass and tell you, "yeah, right. you aren't worth loving, either. gotta go to someone who knows how to be grateful". if only...

Everyday when i start gazing into the bright rays of the sun, or even when i shut my lids off to sleep, i'd say to myself, i should forget him soon, he's not the type to give happiness and contentment to a longing heart like me. I always play a film without sound in my head, a film compiling all his unlawful deeds and loathsome actions towards me. all these are enough for an ordinary person to get mad, but not for me who's strongly holding on to the thought that someday, maybe somewhere down my pathetic life, he would learn to love me. not for me who is deeply in agony, someone who suffered enough, i won't give up, not now. maybe when the right person would be able to make me feel that I've had enough and that i should go for him because he knows how to calm me down and deal with my worsts. maybe, just maybe.

so today, everything's quite random. i'm still in my introduction and i still wonder how this thing will end. will it end soon or end not at all? we'll see. the drama has just begun.

Shanne @ 17!

2009-09-25T21:57:00.002+08:00

Shanne @ 17!

As im about to end another ought-to-be-cherished day which turned out to be mundane in the process, i would would like to give some notes about today or else i might forget that at some point in my life i turned 17. well, for the first time, i am not blowing any birthday candles nor listening to the mellifluous tunes of my significant others singing a simple birthday song.

nothing really noteworthy bout my birthday 'cept for fact that i met a new brotherly friend to depend on, some person baptized with a very beautiful name, his name's Glenn Raymond.

today i realized that it wasn't any fun to wait for things that was usual, for things that used to be can be things that will never ever cross your path once again. No two things could be exactly identical, expect the unexpected.

so today i went to the mall in between classes, don't get it wrong, i did not cut class. in some point, maybe my birthday wasn't a curse at all. the whole class benefited from it, from having teachers suspend the class for some reasons they had to do something else.

today that i'm officially one year closer to being a lady, i've come across a very beautiful lesson learned, expect the unexpected.

let's call it a day *a retrospect entry

2009-09-15T18:05:00.002+08:00

when was the last time i had too much to mutter like i'd be endlessly bursting out my insights? when was the last time i made a big fuss of an oh-so-mundane day like it was the best day of my life? well, just like i happened to promise myself, my perky spirit's back. and today is a day i'd love to share and write about because it's overly noteworthy.

As for that 5 nursing theories i've mentioned in my recent post, i did not perfect the exam. i expected to fail, or pass with a score that's a pinch close to failure. of course, that would be the first ever quiz i'll ever fail, and i might be getting out of the line of top scorers, fortunately, i was wrong. even my unreliable stock knowledge did not bring me down in that very mind-boggling moment, my neurons were very well adjusted and my common sense and critical-thinking went synchronized all the way to success, that's what my professor said when she saw me wandering around the corridor, waiting for my next class.

today, in psychology 101, we tackled about Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs where one need struck me. it was the belonging aspect that took my attention. i felt a mixed emotion by then. from family to friends and society, i was sure my mind took off to a very far place in that instant. i knew very well that my teacher was talking but each morpheme that came out of her mouth was greek to me, all because i was deeply comprehending each word in the question "do i belong?". I remember last sunday, when out of the blue i asked my friend, " hey do you think i belong to your group?" and he answered "yes" and the security blanket hugging me was giving more than the warmth i needed. it felt so good to be having friends to depend on. and while in the middle of the discussion that friend again told me i did belong, assuring me once again.

i hated the first few minutes of our english class when suddenly it felt so good expressing my real emotion in a sentence. we were asked to choose from the pronouns he and it and come up with a creative sentence. i knew that my professor saw the beauty of my sentence in the way i delivered it. she felt the sincerity and gave me a smile while my classmates were yelling so hard, cheering up and at the same time mystified by who was i pertaining to. my sentence was simply "With his atypical aura and mysterious-but-beautiful ways, he is the best thing that could ever happen to a girl."

lastly was my math class, it was the funniest, indeed. all the people in the world know how i suck at math because i am overly good in other fields. my professor asked me to solve some word problem on the board and even asked me to explain it. yes, i cheat in his class, i do mess up but at least i have proven him wrong with his perception of me being dumb in math. sucking at math is too different from being dumb in it. i know very well that i am an average learner when it comes to math, im just not good at it but it doesnt mean im too bad to catch up. i do understand basic math concepts and some complex ones enough for me to comprehend.

P.S
the he of my life is giving me all the inspiration in the world and life with him is better off. one simple joke, smile and conversation completes my day. i may not have him, i know. but being friends with him is enough, enough for me to call it a day.:D

a muggle talk

2009-09-11T18:17:00.002+08:00

howdy, muggles!
yes, i've just called you muggles (term used for people of the non-magical world in harry potter series) which clearly tells you i've been busying myself with it. well so much for it, how about an update? it's nearly the end of Ramadan and i haven't missed a day of sacrifice yet, not until some girl thing hit me. argh!
my mind's out of school so as our university-wide Olympics had passed just this week. in two-days time i'll be needing to focus on my mind-boggling, geeky lectures and have 5 nursing theories patched nicely in my head- so i could perfect my long exam.
my stuffs are purely disorganized, figuratively, scattered on the floor as my birthday's fast-approaching. and i'll be a year older and yet still immature at best. great, just great! (if you know what i mean) i don't feel like planning for what's bound to be ahead, just waiting for what's next, that's me now. can't get the tiniest nerve or initiative to go about my life, just not now. maybe soon. maybe tomorrow.

gotta drift my mind into something magical, to escape reality, you know. psychologically speaking, i'm trying to escape from some unwanted sensation or memoir, just can't figure out what in particular. i'm telling you once more, my life is a big joke!

bye!

Selfish or Selfless? you decide.

2009-08-06T19:48:00.002+08:00

I always take a risk everytime i fall inlove. i can clearly see the flaws of this certain guy and yet i still gamble my love like he deserves all of it. Love, therefore, is not blind. maybe lovers are blind.

I fell inlove with a shy, silent-type boy who was about two years older than me. it wasnt supposed to be that way because he was my cousin's friend (a sign of betrayal) and we were in a secret relationship. he was this guy who would love to attend classes thrice a week, and i was a girl who loved to go to school everyday. i showered him with inspiration to at least bring out the best in him, and i failed. i broke up with this guy to make him realize my sacrifices and let him at least undo his lunacy. unfortunately he's gone worse and you don't wanna know what else happened.

i fell inlove again, the second time. This guy was smart, hot and a great dancer, thank god. it was a great honor and responsibility at the same time for he was a playboy. i pursued my feelings thinking he'd learn to settle down with just one. just one girl. unfortunately, that girl wasn't me. but at least i've plastered a change in his hilarious perception of how to handle relationships. we're good friends now. :D

then again i fell. this was the third time. it's this guy who claims to be a straight guy when literally he acts like some kind of a gay or a bisexual (forgive me for the term). this was the toughest risk i had to take, to deal with all the criticisms and gossips of the people, why should i care in the first place? but then i gave up, eventually. i havent found my other half in him. it was not growing, all the more it was repulsive between me and him. end of story.

as you can notice, i've loved with all my heart wanting nothing but change for those guys. i've aimed for their betterment and the like.

was it selfish of me for not accepting them the way they were or was it selfless of me sacrificing all the more to give them courage and help them grow?

today im in the process of counting another love story. it's some kind of a perky love. a love focused on the brighter side, the inspiration gained, the joy of seeing him smile, seeing those eyes sparkle like no other and hearing his ever beautiful accent. no hopes for a future together, just pure acceptance of the tremendous reality of rejection. that's it. :)

The Perky goes Martyr...

MY DEBATE PASSION

2009-07-26T10:42:00.010+08:00

I’ve always debated about the problem of the world. I’ve came up with rebuttals and arguments, assumptions and presumptions, moreover, analysis and solution proposals. I don’t think it’s fair to not start within myself. So this afternoon, from a very moving situation in my life I’ve started to debate about my domicile and my existence. I do not have a very specific motion, though. Maybe it’s THIS HOUSE BELIEVES THAT IF FATIMA WERE GIVEN A DIFFERENT FATE, LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL OFF, or maybe this one, THIS HOUSE BELIEVES THAT FATIMA MAKES HER OWN DESTINY, or what have you. On the government side, rather, I on the opposition side, or either way say that this motion is debatable if I were the debater. I do not know how far I’ve gone in messing around with my life or what progress has been plastered upon this hilarious life. One thing’s for sure, I am my only safe harbor, I am my only pillar to lean on to, and more so, I am the only one who understands me.

I’ve been told that we make our own destiny, fate is one different thing. Fate is a natural occurrence, a phenomenon, unexpected and very obscure in nature. Members of this most august house, I do not have a destiny. I am not free to make one. My only hope lies on good fate and the guts to accept the bad ones.

I live with a very strong long-term goal, something that is close to impossible, something so not likely to happen. I DO NOT WANT TO INHERIT MY MOTHER’S FATE. I DO NOT WANT HOW HER ENVIRONMENT MADE HER DESTINY FOR HER. I DO NOT WANT TO RELY ON ATROCITIES OF PEOPLE AROUND ME. Ladies and gentlemen, apparently, I’m close to having it. I mean, having what I do not want.

I on the opposition side would like to defend those people whom I’ve labeled as atrocious. It’s is very apparent that their being atrocious comes in to guide me to the beautiful path. Would they even try to handle problems that they shouldn’t problem if they weren’t concerned? Thus, they were atrocious out of love. Point, madam! What is the problem you are trying to point out in the first place? Oh, Members of this most august house, we wouldn’t wait for a problem to arise and so we are building advance solutions and preventive measures to avoid problems in the future.

Take it from my mom, a stow-away, a mother at a not-totally-but-early age. Sitting here now, I could imagine her scribbling irrational doodles out of anger. I imagine how she’d been when she was in my shoes now. It’s good that I’ve learned to pour my sentiments through writings. You wouldn’t believe what my mom went through. I remember how life’s miseries made her do something that was ever life-changing. Although it was unreasonable, I salute her for the courage she has presented. When she was 17, an age older than mine now, she ran away from home. Not just ran away in a sense that she’d be found the next day, the next, and the next, next day. It was totally amazing! She made sure she’d be far from home. From Philippines, she was able to do some illegal whatever (out of desperation) to get away from what was bound to be her life. If you know what I mean by illegal, then that’s it. She had her age manipulated just so she’d be qualified to go out without a guardian. Then Destiny started in Kuwait

____FAST FORWARD____

THEN I BECAME EXISTENT. Very happy-go-lucky, bubbly and cuddly lass who’s mother-oriented. No, not family but mother. I lost my father at an early age. I don’t sympathize myself for that. I somewhat like the fact that I don’t have a father. Maybe I appreciate a fact like that now that I’ve seen with my naked eyes what a father is like. The monstrous, aggravating and rusty image of a father. Someone scary and cold, if that’s the term.

As I grew up, I kept ranting about myself that I will assure myself a life far from my mother’s. a very simple yet peaceful life. A not-colonized-by-other-people life. My life is indeed touching to the typical teenagers. Yes, I am not a teenage mom or what have you, that is a different story, overly borrowed from status-quo. I almost gained all the insults, degradation and hatred in the world, just like others and unlike others, I haven’t met the situation that would trigger my rebellious side. I don’t think I will let it happen at all.

I’ve been used to this miserable routine, what is there to do? Why would I give up now? Ladies and gentlemen, i am no longer affected by the rages of these people. They wouldn’t even let me explain, but they do raise questions. What is exactly the point, ladies and gentlemen? I wouldn’t say I’ve had enough, I give up, I hate my life, I want to die, that is all cliché!

Sometimes I wish for a different life. Me as my character and personality all the same, just different people and life encounters. I really know that something very magnificent is in store for me. Something to prove all those who have wronged me that they are the wrong ones!

I will not curse these people who’ve hurt me, although I always cuss. No one would believe me, what’s the point in telling them what I want to make known to them?

Mr. chair, I hope life will be a bit more bitter like how I was almost beaten to death today. I wish the text message threatening me that said I will be thrown from the very sharp, 20-step staircase In the house was literally executed to me a while ago. How I wish I lost my sanity so they would be the one to reach out and calmly jive with me. How I wish I was bed-ridden so these people would handle me with care. How I wish.

You have not just stepped on my dignity but you have crashed-out my identity, totally. I do not know what I want, what I am, who I am and worse I do not know what to do with my future. All I know is that I am lost in words and In thoughts. Absent-minded somewhat, come and notice!

Honor-rolls is not the basis for the measurement of one’s intellectual capacity and ability. I did not achieve academic awards. Nonetheless, people looked up to me, depended and even trusted me. I cannot apprehend the road I’m heading to, whether I’ll be a better person after this or sooner carry the hatred and make it harmonize my blood vessels and run through my veins with matching adrenaline rush and just stab someone to death. I don’t know…

TONIGHT, and until the day I’d continue to wake up, I will continue standing, firm, steady and sturdy. No ifs, no buts and mostly no whys. Only yes, only no, only what and only how. There is no point in stabbing at the back and raving inwards. The deed is done. What can sorry do if the damage is said and done? I still prefer physical pain than these never-ending lacerations I have in my heart. I am not one hell of a cognitively impaired shenanigan. I believe I am someone, although not yet a somebody, at least, not a nobody. No frenzied fancy thoughts or whatnot just pure reality. This is the bittersweet scent of life, sometimes sweet and benign and most of the times ill-suitably strong and intimidating.

100 truths

2009-07-20T14:09:00.002+08:00

grabbed from LOUISE of Dear Diary
--- she's my best friend, who would have thought? i only met her in this space, this blogger. and to make known to all of you, i'd say, i love this betch so much, don't you dare mess up with her. i miss her although i spent the whole afternoon with her, a day before. Don't you worry, betch. Our University is the taste of life. life isn't clean nor organized most of the times. clean up!

WHAT/WHO WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: Pop Cola
2. Last phone call: Shelim
3. Last text message: haha
4. Last song you listened to : Emily
5. Last time you cried: July 06

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: never dated
7. Been cheated on: I guess so
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Nope
9. Lost someone special: Yeah
10. Been depressed: yes
11. Been drunk and threw up: nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. Metallic silver
13. Green
14. Neon Colors

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: Yes! Lots!
16. Fallen in of love: nope
17. Laughed until you cried: Yes.
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah. i confronted her.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of them.
23. How many kids do you want?: 3.
24. Do you have any pets: none
25. Do you want to change your name: Yes!!!
26. What did you do for your last birthday: fasted
27. What time did you wake up today: 7am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: cam whoring.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Graduation
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 2 weeks ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my achievements
32. What are you listening to right now : For you by Paraluman
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Boredom!
35. Most visited webpage: Plurk.
36. Whats your real name: Fatima
37. Nicknames: Shanne, Tim, Timmy, Timz, Babat, Fat, Fats, Shannu, Sheyn, Shanie, Shine and the like.
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Libra
40. Male or female?: Female
41. Primary School?: Jabriya Indian School and Pilar College
42. Secondary School?: Pilar College
43. High school/college?: Western Mindanao State University
44. Hair Colour: Dark Brown
45. Long or short: Short.
46. Height: 5"1'
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Yes
48: What do you like about yourself?: Everything. :)
49. Piercings: Two. One on each ear.
50. Tattoos: None.
51. Righty or lefty: Lefty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: none
53. First piercing: When I was a toddler. One on each ear.
54. First best friend: Mona
55. First sport you joined: foot Ball
56. First vacation: Bangladesh
58. First pair of trainers: dunno.

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: None.
60. Drinking: None.
61. I'm about to: Type.
62. Listening to: none
63. Waiting for: tomorrow

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: yes
65. Get Married?: yes
66. Career?: Doctor, Head Nurse

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: Taller.
70. Older or Younger: Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach.
73. Sensitive or loud: Loud.
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: Never.
77. Drank hard liquor: yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts: never
79. Sex on first date: no way
80. Broken someone's heart: yes
82. Been arrested: Nope.
83. Turned someone down: yes
84. Cried when someone died: Yes.
85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Completely.
87. Miracles: Yes.
88. Love at first sight: No.
89. Heaven: Yes.
90. Santa Claus: No.
91. Kiss on the first date: No date.
92. Angels: Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?: yes
95. Did you sing today?: Yes.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: yes
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? : Two months before college enrollment day.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: october 14
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: No.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? : Sure.

Doldrum's aftermath

2009-07-17T15:55:00.002+08:00

and i can't seem to write about anything atypical today. i nearly forgot about what really happened a week ago in school. all i remember is that i got hit by some kind of a flu which i found so irrational! damn. i had to rest at home and even suffer how i cant even carry my own weight. great. just great.

im home the whole day because it is so-called the general assembly and unity day of the school staff. i've got nothing much to do. i am beyond advance in my nursing subject. maybe that's the reason why i got sick, i showered myself with a lot of lessons which i thought was bearable.

another thing, my mom's gone for another hell of time. i gotta wait till ahh... she said she'd be back on december, well, if i were me, i won't stick to that. it's useless to find myself building another block of hatred again.

what in the world am i thinking now? oh, it's still food. im still that fat ass who's making food her comfort zone. no diet please. my brain needs extra food to work extra hard. :)

got a very nice exam results in my first quizzes. gotta keep up the guhreat work!

ciao.

ditch the GLOOM over GLAM (100th)

2009-06-30T22:36:00.007+08:00

And today I finally believe in the wheel of fortune. It’s as if I have never been this overly contented in my whole epitome. The world that im used to is those of the world full of shamble and disgrace. I’ve never forseen a future like this. Really.

I was used to moderating my laughter and being vigilant all the time of the day because I’ve always paid tears every after a pinch of laughter and bliss. Those were back then, I’d say. Actually I really pleaded for a change. I talked to him and dreamt of these things. I was really loving fantasy over reality by then. But it was when I started entering the university that I felt a great impact of change in my routinary and habitual way of reacting and dealing with situations which were cliché, still.

I have a lot in mind and my neurons are well oriented as to what I’d like to express tonight. I call this post an inspiration-filled talkabout.

Who would even say he’s got no problem or difficulties at all? I won’t. I do face those and yet I consider things like peanuts-slash-chewables. Like, why the hell should my imperfections be the center of my existence? I mean, it’s never cool to focus on your problems and totally forget that somehow, there are people around you to enlighten each ill-suited day.

I haven’t seen my mom for approximately four years and the last time I felt her was during my pre-seventh grade. She promised to be home on graduation but she didn’t come. Now, It’s not time to rage about a promise that was broken, a heart that was left hanging hopelessly and whatnot. I am happy to tell you guys that my mom arrived last Sunday morning. The only sad thing about this is that my mom’s gonna stay for only a week and for a week I spend of my day in school. As you all know, I always maintain a perky atmosphere and so I keep mumbling to myself about not to waste time thinking of the bittersweet farewell but instead to make the most out of the time that God has rendered me. I am very thankful that somehow, in an unexpected snap, I was able to see my mom.

Although I am tired from school, I don’t feel like sleeping. I’d always make the most out of this. My days are very occupied and so I have pictures to explain.

And oh, in my previous years I was a very glammy chick and out of a sudden, I transformed into a simple lass. My mom bought that spirit of being glammy back for me. There are a lot of make-ups, accessories and a lot of fabulous outfits. Im loving the glammy mood again. To my betch, don’t worry. Im not gonna exaggerate.

Two new gadgets. The fabby pink laptop and a thin, 12-megapixeled digital camera. Ima practice my photography in no time. Good night!

Seven Up!

2009-06-25T18:58:00.006+08:00

Rage at my CHEM LEC teacher! i hate it how mundane Chemistry turns out to be when she teaches. I love the subject so much but i hate the teacher. I hardly get along with her lessons because she does not follow the syllabus she gave. What the? How come in the syllabus it said "IMPORTANCE OF CHEMISTRY" then she tackles about SIGNIFICANT FIGURES all the way to London! I mean she's gone to far. I have prepared and made my fair share as a student to excel in her class. Should i study the whole book in one night to get ready for her class? She isn't a person with one consistent and reliable reputation! She is... a Dumb CHEMISTRY TEACHER! raaaaaaaawr! Im sorry for that.

And Im loving the Filipino subject so much. My teacher rocks! yeah, she's cool, i sweaaaaaaaar! and the lessons are like cotton candy. lol.

i've learned to get along with my classmates and im in full ecstasy looking forward to have a deeper bond in four years time with them. they're way too cool to be called nerds. :D look, they all aren't selfish when it comes to the academic aspects. i even heard one say "Education is the door to success and yet the key to success is CHEATING" lol. no don't get your neurons nullified with such line. They don't mean business. We do help each other when professors won't mind seeing us brainstorming.

so today i had fun. super fun! We played the 7-up game, i just don't know how to explain the mechanics. All i know is that the one who makes a mistake will have a handfull of loose powder on his face. till the end of the game we aren't allowed to wipe off the loose powder because we have a pictorial session inline with that. surely we're kids at heart. we're independent and responsible little professionals who knows how to have fun while we can still have it. the coming years won't be that easy for us, so we're making the most out of our freshman year. :D

And this one time, my classmate made fun of my innoncence. look at these pictures. HAHAHA! i didnt expect to see myself this way. i was always wearing a sweet smile. look!

Special Class A, alright!

HAHA!

2009-06-22T18:02:00.003+08:00

No! don't expect me to talk about those firsts. those firsts aren't the one that counts. My college week went definitely well as i was the elected Vice-President of our class and on of the representative board members of our batch. I felt quite odd when i was running for the position the same as one of my blogger buddies, Jobel. Don't get it wrong, I ain't a politician. LOL

I made friends with the whole class, well that's how i expected it to be, i know how capable i am of reaching out to people. that sounds congenial!!!

I dont want to make a nice post for the fact that i have a lot of new visible buddies to talk to. College ain't any hell for now. I've been through those lessons except for the Theoretical Foundations in Nursing. Of course, i feel obliged to update you. how can i just forget the place that once became my comfort zone? And how can i trash those people who never got tired of hearing my thoughts from here? and how can i just drive new visitors away! spare me people. i will update as soon as i have no loads of Nursing Studies. :)

take care!

SWEETPUFF CONTEST ENTRY

2009-06-13T13:33:00.002+08:00

i am a member of the sweetpuff club and i'm known as Ms. HotPuff. My club hosted it's first ever contest namely the SWEETPUFF BANNER MAKING CONTEST. The said Competition required us:

-to have an active blog
-to be a member of the sweetpuff club
-should have skills in making graphics or at least wordings on graphics
-to link the owner of the club

PRIZES AND CATEGORY are:
Ultimate Creative Winner, 1st runnerup, 2nd runner up and 3rd runnerup.

Ultimate winner will claim:
-a super kawaii winner badge
-your banner on the front page of the sweetpuff club with ur link and name.
-a gift package, You can choose between:
-a customized BRAND NEW layout from kymie.

1st placer:
-kawaii Winner Badge
-advertisement of name in front page
-pixel text (spelling out ur name...can be japanese, korean or english..you choose,animated,kawaii)

2nd Placer:
-kawaii Winner Badge
-advertisement of name in front page
-pixel text(only in ENGLISH, animated, kawaii)

3rd Placer:
-kawaii Winner Badge
-advertisement of name in front page

Non-Winners:
-a nice participation badge.

I WISH TO WIN FOR I'VE JOINED OTHER CONTESTS AND BAGGED NOTHING BUT DISGRACE. I AM DESPERATE TO WIN!

Im not so much into kawaii designing but i still managed to put it under category kawaii. it's a simple kawaii banner that's animated and focused on emphasizing THE SWEETPUFF PLACE. here's a peak. it's your freedom to judge. Comment me for insults and compliments. :)

AKO MISMO CAMPAIGN

2009-06-13T11:34:00.003+08:00

I thought of making an improvised banner for my AKO MISMO campaign and came up with this one. :) Want me to make one for you? Just Post a Comment. Don't expect a cute design though, im not that good as you can see. :)

GOT CAUGHT!

2009-06-12T22:58:00.004+08:00

if you've been subscribing too much to my blog, you would notice that i was gone for two days. dear, wonderful lurkers, i was sick. got caught by extreme radiation that lead me to FLU. no way! it's not swine flu. I caught colds too because i was exposed to massive dust in the internet cafe. It's the family business and i was asked to take over for three days. i had to clean 27 Computer Units and dust the dividers and silly me, i wouldnt even cover my nose or use a mask for protection.

I was pretty well yesterday and i even went shopping. I was able to accompany my aunt to the public market and because i was dressed in a glammy manner, a street child asked me stuffs like:

Do you have a companion?

Is she your mom?

Are you rich?

i was upset and was about to tell her "And what does it have to do with you?" but suddenly i realized, those are untamed children. they don't know manners except for street manners and they weren't taught well by their parents who're even obliged to do what they're asking those kids to do. so instead, i pulled my tongue backwards and shut up.

My next spot was the grocery store where i bought my cosemetics and hygiene goodies. something unexpected happened. was i too attractive that time? was my way of dressing too much? I went to look for a sanitizer in the rubbing alcohol section and this guy, an attendant, asked me, "miss, do you have a friendster account? if so, please write it down here." i don't want to be so rude so i wrote my account on it. what is wrong in having a new friendster friend? anyway he won't be able to invade my personal life if i wont allow him in, right? and besides i have thousands of friends in my friendster and i don't know them all. :)

When we went home, i organized everything i shopped and put them in place then i went blogging this time. as you can see, the blogosphere's new. is it pleasant to your eyes? i'm sorry if not.

i also registered on www.akomismo.org. it's a site that promotes optimsm to our seemingly hopeless country. It's one way for underaged teens like us to participate and aim for CHANGE. It's a little way to show that we still care. The most important thing is that our voices are heard and as young as we are, we are very much aware of our country's ups and downs. so filipino bloggers, i encourage you to promote the AKO MISMO campaign in you respective blogs.

ako mismo ay magpapalaganap ng campaign na ito, ikaw, ano mismo ang gagawin mo?

Independence Day Special

2009-06-12T22:38:00.007+08:00

"Because the revolution will not be televised, but B L O G G E D."

-Jobel Fernandez

AKO MISMO, I, MYSELF JOINED THE CAMPAIGN, TOO. IKAW, ANO MISMO ANG GAGAWIN MO?

How Free is Free?

2009-06-08T18:47:00.004+08:00

Early in the morning i glued my fat ass on a chair and never changed my gaze into the direction of the computer. I realized that it's been a while since i basked myself into the land of books. i've never read any book since summer except for the blog posts and online articles. i thought of maximizing my remaining week to expand my vocabulary and at the same time add on a book to my list of favorites. And since i don't have any book in hand, i decided to download a free e-book.

i google-d quickly to find some links and i found few sites to quench my thirst for books. i tripped into www.manybooks.net and was glad to have downloaded the whole chapters of The Phantom of the Opera for FREE. Then I tried Paolo Coelho's and found out that the site only offered old published books. I wasn't contented so i went to another site, I found this www.ebook.com and saw all their catchy statement. it said, "Search your ebook or submit your ebook, it's for free." then i browsed through a couple of the editors' choice and found The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks a must-read one. I remember reading A Walk to Remember by that author and thought that this book would be as marvelous as the one i read.

Alas! I was able to download the ebook and the reader in a dnl. format. I was so moved by the prologue alone and continued reading the first chapter. after the chapter, guess what? a pop-out box eventually appeared asking for my personal information and exact address so they could send me the ORDER. hell, order what? i downloaded the book for free. it never emphasized that only one chapter was free. now, tell me, How Free is FREE?

i want some love

2009-06-07T16:30:00.003+08:00

And so i joined this awesome contest hosted on Pop! Goes the Bubble

i joined under category:
Content
how you write your post interesting or not interesting or lots more.

Originality
how original is your blog?

Creativity
is your blog design creative? how much special feature does it have?

Colour Scheme
Do the colors in your blog match?

Music
is it pleasant to the ear?

Photography
Are the photos you shoot pretty? and with skills?

-Portfolio these only apply who those who have portfolios
the amt of work and downloads, buttons you do. and how lovely it is

I only backed out on category Layout 'cause i find this place a mess. :) HAHA.
support me morally, people!

i wish to win, i desperately do! This will be the first contest i'm joining and if i won, i will have my first ever AWARD. T T

Something Like Today

2009-06-07T14:54:00.006+08:00

i couldn't help but blog about one hell of a mundane day. from the start it wasn't like that. i have a problem bugging me.

i love sleeping more than i am supposed to love a boyfriend, you know. during the morning i get pissed by my body clock. i would sleep till i want 'cause i'm not into going-to-school thing, those were my high school days. in the morning i would here a rash little voice in me that would shout "hey! it's damn late. wake up now! it's almost 10 am!," then i find myself peeping at the digital clock of my phone and a big, big 7AM or so would flash before my vague retinas. then i'd force myself to sleep again and end up suffering from my migraine.
that encounter wouldn't let me escape from it's grip, even until today. so i hurriedly woke up and never attempted to sleep again.

when i went downstairs, i heard some plans like we'd go to the beach. i wasn't happy 'cause i don't want sunburnts on first day of school. people prepared and stuffs were packed. they've cooked when suddenly my uncle changed his mind and decided we'd stay home and eat the food here. i was bursting with bliss! yeaaaaaaah.

and now, im here, trying to blog about nothing interesting. something like today, something never in line with the word FUN.

i hate the internet connection, it only loads selected sites. raawr! good thing, BETCH and i exchanged a lot of stupidities and some sensible talkabouts. :)

wish to entertain me? oh, please do the honor!

RECOGNITION DAY ON BLOGSPOT!

2009-06-06T11:50:00.006+08:00

My ever supportive blogger buddies and visitors, i am extremely glad to award these people who inspired me to enhance further my skills in blogging and who in one way impressed me with their exceptional writing skills and creative minds.

i have prepared 3 major awards and i'll be giving out some more in the future...

the first award is what i call the CREAM OF THE CROP award. This award goes to people with exceptional writing skills and those of them who capture readers through creative writing, thus making them the BEST. my criteria for this include an A+ grammar skills and profound vocabulary.

i award this to:

Michael Rivera of Do You Hate it Too?
Louise Viray of Diary Notes
Jobel Fernandez of Blahs of the Past
Raz of In the name of God, I converse
Joebs of White Symphony

Award number two is the PERKY BLOGGER AWARD.
this award goes to bloggers who maintain a perky mood in the blogosphere.

i award this to:
Jelai of My Deviation
April of LOLLY LOLLY LOLLY POP

and last but not the least, the ELITE BLOG ARTIST AWARD to those who make their blogs pleasing to the eyes with guh-reat gadgets, colors and templates. :)

i award this to:
Louise Viray of Diary Notes
Raz of In the name of God, I converse
Jelai of My Deviation
April of LOLLY LOLLY LOLLY P OP
Kym of Sing Me The Lullaby of Reminiscence

to the awardees, keep it up! :)

getaway shots

2009-06-05T11:42:00.010+08:00

POST-SUMMER GETAWAY

2009-06-04T21:24:00.003+08:00

hello, bloggers!

i was thinking it's better to have posted later with the actual snapshots from our high school get-together post-summer getaway. Apparently, i can't wait to share what transpired in that said event. bear with me as i write you one of the most memorable encounter this summer, picture out with your beautiful minds. :)

I almost came across the most jittery moment in my life, so far. the night before this very wonderful day, i couldn't shut my eyes to sleep. the whole night i was mumbling to myself the what if's that filled my oh-so-nervous mind. i was like, "what if auntie changed her mind? what if uncle won't allow though auntie did? what if i would not attempt to ask for permission? what if i did more chores in the morning and asked for their permission afterwards? would it make a difference?". Then i fell asleep out of nowhere.

It was 7:02 am when i woke up. I quickly went downstairs and cleaned the whole ground floor. I was the only one awake. i quickly spotted my auntie heading out of the comfort room and reminded her about the Outing, she was like, "uhmmmm. uhmmmm," and i was stuttering to death. then she warned me about being a good girl and stuffs and she was the one who asked my uncle to allow me out. so my heart was lub-dub-ing faster than the usual.

i quickly stuffed my things into my sling bag and place everything i need in, or was it everything? tsk tsk. so i headed to my high school because we planned to assemble ourselves and meet up there. i went there to ask my ex classmates to give me time to withdraw at the nearest outlet, it was an Express money so i needed my I.D's.

When i reached the place i realized i wasnt bringing my wallet. Stupid me! so i was forced to head back home... i got my I.D and told my aunt i left my BRA instead. LMAO!

So when i was claiming my money, i received countless text messages from my classmates asking me to hurry 'cause i was the only one left. someone even called me. i felt so helpless making them wait. i should have brought my brain with me. i'm such an idiot.

okay, so we went to JEERS, a swimming pool located at Boalan, Zamboanga City, where we were the only customers. we had a lot of privacy, luckily. *Yey!

We went swimming right after unloading our baggages and food. Suddenly my beloved PJ ( a son of mine as he was treating me like a mom) said...

"Are the Mosquito Nets exclusively for blocking mosquitos alone?"

Al Ryan, a classmate, said "Duh? that's why it's a mosquito net "

A burgerhead made his way into the scene and said, "wow! that was the most interesting conversation i have heard," mushy people! LOL

i really enjoyed this day though i went home earlier. wait for me to post the pictures. :)

LATEST, FOR SALE!

2009-06-03T18:33:00.003+08:00

Auction Item: SHANNE's HEART PACKAGE

what's inside: Shanne's LOVE, TRUST, COMMITMENT, CARE, UNDERSTANDING, ENDURANCE and SWEETNESS

Quantity: 1

Buyer's requirement: Straight Guy

Price: Care and Commitment

BUY NOW WHILE IT's HOT!

for further inquiries, comment or leave a msg on the chatbox found at the right column of the page.

Spice Up Your Life

2009-06-02T09:57:00.002+08:00

I went on video hopping on YOUTUBE today, like where else will i look for videos? HA HA! i tripped into one of my never-fading paramour, SPICE GIRLS. apparently, i remember being a die-hard fan of them, even until today and to the very last breath i would breathe.

i still am familiar with all their songs and i could sing it on the spot if someone dared me to. i still have their CD albums, mugs and printed notebooks. sadly speaking, the high-heeled rubber shoes and mini skirts aren't on the trend line today, so i had to dispose it. *sigh.

i hope there will be some upcoming projects for SPICE GIRLS. i miss them so bad.

OFFICIALLY ENROLLED *an update!

2009-05-30T10:31:00.005+08:00

Finally, i could brag about being a College student. I am admitted in one of the most prestigious Universities in Zamboanga City, Western Mindanao State University, where quality education and practicality matters.

Okay so i spent approximately $78 for the totality of my school expenses that included my tuition fee, college-based fees, uniform and school supplies. I was really shocked by the fact that it was not even a quarter of my fees in High School. great.

i could not elaborate further things that happened 'cause it was really a culture shock for me. The crowd, the sumptuous food at a low cost and most of all the hospitality of the Administration and the Old students.

The scenery of the university was one hell of a fright, too. I was used to having infrastructures near one another but in my new school, it was totally different.

i did all the little things that would prepare me for college. i collected old medical books and manuals for an advance reading session anytime i get fussed by doldrums. i also washed my clothes to avoid loads of ought-to-wash in the near future. i cleaned my closet, segregated my writing paraphernalia, written hand-outs and stuffs in high school that would be utilized in college. i disposed my accounting lectures and literature books and placed it at the public shelf we have at home. like, duh? what does literature and accounting have to do with medicine?

Exactly nine days ahead, i am a full-time student, again. it excites me so well that led me to have another quandary. like i'll be dealing with bunch of nerds and brainy people, where should i place myself? will i talk as if i know what they're talking about or shall i sit quiet and pretend as if i'm dumb? i hope those nerds i'm talking about are COOL nerds. :)

eventually, during the enrollment, i met a classmate. Her name is Eurice Jane Orque and she's one of a kind. She even included my folder in one of the steps where we had to catch our breath and deal with a nearly-stampede affected crowd. I was one of those hundreds who was about to collapse. I skipped lunch and stayed in the queue for four hours time. Talking about Eurice, she's a thoughtful girl. She even asked my cellphone number from one of our common friends just so she could remind me 'bout the Drug test- i don't wanna talk about it.

I also met Clarice, a high school classmate of Louise, who was a bubbly and congenial chubby like me. I find her sweet, too. She's the Salutatorian of their High School but hey, she's cool. :)

i met some other people in my college department, buddies from different sections like Sec B, C, D and G. They're quite awesome, too. :)

Now, all i have to do is stay relaxed and prepared and kinda have a beauty rest at home. i'm still thinking twice about the upcoming class outing on June 4. it's the last time i would see my classmates who're going out of town to study. it's just that i don't like the setting of the said event. i don't wanna swim and have sunburnts on. that's a big NO, NO. i should look fresh, cool and stuffed on the first day of school. Freshman as i'm labeled. :) no haggard shits, and the like.

how are you prepairing for your post-summer days? prepare it now before it's too late. :)

FRESHMEN out there, jai ho!

BSN 1-A, see you soon. :)

My schedule for the First Semester

2009-05-24T11:51:00.003+08:00

i've got no classes on Saturday. *clap clap...
i feel like i'm still in high school because of that 7 AM...
what does it feel like tackling one subject for three hours time? would it be boring or boring?

HA HA!

note...

2009-05-19T06:41:00.002+08:00

imma update this blog sooner or later. sorry, you guys. i'm busy with enrollment in college. i've been through hell these days, believe me. gasp! gasp! gasp!

pray for me. take care!

Mumma's Day

2009-05-11T13:06:00.003+08:00

My Mumma

You can see it in their eyes,
in tender hugs and long good-byes,
a love that only moms and daughters know.

You can see it in their smiles,
through passing years and changing styles,
a friendship that continually seems to grow.

You can see it in their lives,
the joy each one of them derives,
in just knowing that the other one is there...

To care and to understand,
lend an ear or hold a hand,
and to celebrate the memories they share.

Once upon a memory
Someone wiped away a tear
Held me close and loved me,
Thank you, Mother dear.

Happy Mumma's Day to all the Moms out there. You deserve to be happy 'cause whatever we give you, you multiply it.
When you were given a sperm, you gave a baby.
When you were given a house, you gave a home.
When you were given groceries, you gave a sumptuous and fulfilling meal.
When you were given a smile, you gave your love.

"Every other day i cross the line i didn't mean to be so rude, im sorry mom. Love You!"

Postpone the Sleepless Nights

2009-05-08T09:04:00.003+08:00

It was an accomplishment of my short-term goal, a step forward to starting my chosen career, a reason to pursue and endure the nerve-racking hands-on and lessons, a path toward making my dream come true, and the start of molding my being into a professional.

Bottom-line: I passed the Nursing Aptitude Test and got into the upper half called, Regular. Congratulations to my friend Louise and Kimi for the same results.

Doldrum's Aftermath

2009-05-04T19:32:00.005+08:00

I've rested for exactly thirty-eight days and seldom took hold of the kitchen apparatuses which was originally my duty at home. it felt quite good taking a break from washing the never-ending stained glass wears and stainless kitchen apparatuses. it even felt better when all i have to do is eat peacefully without worrying about the loads of dishes to be cleaned.

Since I've been absent in the kitchen-o-sphere for past one month, i planned to submit myself for doing the honor of cooking lunch for the family yesterday. i was guided, though. but i did most of the cooking and learned a new Muslim Cuisine. *yey.

So, Bloggers, what's cookin'? =)

Shanne

THE PAPER POWER

2009-04-28T15:15:00.003+08:00

Just as i was not able to blog for about two days, it's because i didnt have the time to.

It's really nice to study when you're labelled as a "Scholar", Academic Scholar, in particular. I was one in high school for four consecutive years, maintaining an average of 88% and above. I've got Php. 5,000 as an allowance. Just imagine having a tuition fee of Php. 21,000 a year (without textbooks) plus the burden of textbooks payment that costs Php. 3,000 as the least price, Do you think Php 5,000 is considered a petty amount at all?

21,000+3000 less 5,000, is it a bit of help? for me, yes, it is.

Since im entering the portals of College, it is a necessity for me to depend on a scholarship program. A necessity because i'm used to it. A necessity because it's one way of urging me to maintain such high grades.

I qualified for the CHED NATIONAL scholarship because i obtained a certain score that was required. and so they're giving out 300 slots for the entire country, 40 slots for Region IX (where Zamboanga's Located ) and 5 slots for Zamboanga. and I am dead! HA HA! got to pray harder tonight that i'd get into that 5 slots.

and when i started completing my requirements for a two-day period of time, i realized it was so hard to complete them without an access to people working in government agencies and stuffs like that.

on the first day i went to the Hall of Justice to get an Affidavit from a lawyer but unfortunately, the lawyer was not available. and so i went to my next spot, Office of of Muslim Affairs (OMA) to be interviewed and get a certificate. It was no sweat at all because i met my best bud's mom and she assisted me for a quicker access. *yey. I also went to the Police station to get my Police Clearance and got scolded by a motherfucker (sorry for the vulgar word). and, and... I am now a certified citizen of Zamboanga City. another yey! HA HA!

at night i was fighting with INSOMNIA... fast forward... tenenenenenenenenenen.

on the second day, i glued my butt on the bench at the Hall of Justice and spotted someone i knew. gasp! who was it? ahh, Ladie Jane's mother. and so, Lucky Shanne went closer and greeted Mrs. Tupas sweetly. Alas! no more sweat at all. my next spot was the Bereau of Internal Revenue for an issuance of Income Tax Return. The last spot was the CHED office where i ended all the holocaust of non-stop walking, queueing and waiting.

Bottom-line: How come a piece of paper cost so much? I don't believe the governemnt's bankrupt at all. seeing the crowd all paying the same cost for a piece of paper? and for two days it was all the same. so the crowd must be there everyday.

Shanne's Paper expenses

Cedula------------------------------------------- Php. 6.00

Police Clearance--------------------------------- Php. 70.00

City Hall----------------------------------------- Php. 60.00

BIR Stamp--------------------------------------- Php. 115.00

OMA certificate---------------------------------- Php. 50.00

________________________________________

TOTAL------------------------------------------ Php. 301.00

Asian Series VS. MEN

2009-04-25T13:44:00.008+08:00

I'm afraid to post this 'cause it may not be better than my recent entry below. I'm afraid to post this, 'cause i might talk about a not-so-interesting topic or a totally nonsense one. i just wanted to update you, people. HA HA!

people, people, people! i can't believe i am now a basketball freak. come on, blame HOT SHOT (taiwanese series) HA HA. and you, subscribers of HOT SHOT on CHANNEL 3, ABS-CBN, i have outrun you. i finished the whole story as early as yesterday. and the story is... hey, why should i tell you? better wait and watch. HA HA!

okay, so now you know what i'm up to. it's all about the asian series i find online. there's really a deep reason on why i get addicted to it. i don't just watch around and appreciate the story. i really go for the whole package, the different aspects i look upon and stuffs. i mean, the language (i know a little mandarin by now), the love quotes, the places (such a beautifl scenery) and the story itself.

i consider each love story as my own story, each struggle of the character as my suffering and each happy ending as a start of another love life for me. i'd rather fall inlove with asian series than fall in love with boys. God, what am i saying? this is getting horrible. it seems that even how many times i get hurt like the character in the story, things patch up so easily and the situation goes smooth in no time.

i remember when in a serious relationship, i hardly get over a person. i mean, it takes me six months or so to move on, and not to get over yet. six months is really the minimum. however, in asian series, it takes me only hours to move on and find another. Shanne, do you know what you're mumbling about?

how come you compare a love for the opposite sex to a love for Asian Series?
what on the earth is going on what you, Shanne? I know what im talking about. i know the difference and i know it's nonsense. But this is what i feel and not think. this is what i want now, and not deserve.

i am so helpless. when are you coming, love of my life? i dont want to search nor wait. because i know, someday... time will come, i will laugh at this post and say "oh, Shanne! you're so lame and senseless. HA HA! shame on you". someday...

What has transpired today

2009-04-20T20:11:00.003+08:00

It's a nice feeling to be mentally back for a more meaningful post. Blogging is definitely like unlatching the holocaust-slash-suffering brought by rage. i am giving an update of what kept me busy these past few weeks (when i wasn't posting sensible entries) or days (when i kept posting yet nonsense ones).
So today was not an ordinary day. It was another step closer to college. Another requirement accomplished and another overcoming of fear. This may not be new to you, 'cause majority of us, during early ages, ranging from infant to our sixth year, we, usually, are afraid of syringes. No one probably endured the pain without bursting their hearts out calling "Momma!", some even bit their moms, pinched their moms, and the like.

As to how i afforded to wear a smile at the gentle nurse as she injected the syringe, i don't know. A problem raised when the syringe didn't make it's way to my Intravenous structure as fast as possible. So the nurse needed to move the syringe in and out and side to side until she was not able to stand it and asked me if it was causing me unbearable pain. I looked at her, confidently , and uttered the words, "It's nothing, i'm okay". Finally, Shanne... Finally, i didn't need to be hiding my face under my mom's armpit or let her embrace so i could draw some strength. It's not like that anymore. And for the fact that i don't have mom around, it's a great change.

As an observation while i was inside the Health Center of that prestigious University, I saw a lot of faces. There were a lot of personalities, too. From a pervert to a jerk, from a flirt to a prim and lady-like one, from a nerd to a hip and cool, and from a random to a serious one. And yet, none of them had the courage to look at the process of Intravenous Insertion (Injecting the syringe). None of them dared to look at that very tiny thing that sucked out their blood... none of them. As far as i know, i am the only one who witnessed the whole process while it was done to me. Take note, i was smiling all the way. no ifs, no buts and no ouch at all.

I realized that i've grown up, in a way or the other, i still showed progress. i believe i am ready to take up Nursing, based on what transpired today.

Interviews and NAT result, I am waiting. :)

and oh, i met new friends along the way. they're Jayreen, Leslie, James and Christine. and i bonded with my sistah, Katie. :) Thanks for treat, if you'll be able to read this. Egg Shawarma is yum yum and healthy. :)

ciao for now. :D

REVIEW: MARS (taiwanese series)

2009-04-20T16:05:00.003+08:00

A shy artistic girl, Qi Luo (Barbie Xu), is approached by a care-free and play-boy Chen Ling (Vic Zhou), who asked Qi Luo for directions to a hospital. In a split-second Ling forgets what the hospital name was. Hurriedly, Qi Luo draws a map for him, unknowing that she was drawing on the back portion of one her draft drawings (a mother-and-child portrait). Ling thanked her but she ran off before she could hear him, he then noticed the picture and was touched. The next time they had seen each other, Ling told her about the picture but Qi Luo ignored him and said he could keep the picture. Ling was very touched by the picture and that drew him closer and closer towards Qi Luo. But his past comes back to haunt him when a new student arrives as well as Qi Luo's past comes back. Feelings will collide when he had his jealous ex come to stand up and fight for Ling against Qi Luo and an known admirer confesses his feelings to Qi Luo.

"it's a very unusual role for both Barbie Xu (Shan Cai) and Vic Zhou (Huaze Lei) of Meteor Garden to have opposite personalities in Mars. i mean, Lei in Mars is a very care-free and hot image while Shan Cai eats up her role as a very tactless, outspoken and brave girl that the used to be in Meteor Garden. it's like, whoa! i can't imagine them."

Look at Vic up there, he's so oozing with hotness. ooooh. nevermind, Barbie. HA HA!

invasion of one's comfort zone

2009-04-17T19:10:00.005+08:00

the primary reason why i put out this blog is to have an online diary to write on. i would always run out of listeners and people i could talk to the moment im confused and feel like go-hide-under-the- bed is the best way to comfort myself. i am really mad at myself now that i have an altered motive. i admit that i see my blog as a JUNK right now. it is where i throw my unwanted stuffs, abandoned articles and boredom products. i really loved writing since elementary and got chosen as a contributor but often i get my articles thrown away. still. you see, i'm trying to improve and prove myself to the critiques. i suppose my blogging shouldnt be a reason for me to impress others. because along with appreciation comes expectation. i really detest judgemental eyes on my blogosphere. you don't have the right to tell me what to write, how to express and what to place in my personalized space. hell, that is why it is P E R S O N A L I Z E D.

i am not good in playing with words at all. i don't know how to add color to my statements and make use of the figurative speech i learned in school. i really hated that lesson since fifth grade or so. the second reason why i came up with this blog is to enhance further what i thought was a skill or some kind of a potential- writing. maybe i was overthinking or pretending to be good at it. here i am now, insulting myself. i deserve this, dont i? upon writing now, i really want to hit myself.

i am thinking that it's better to cancel my blog account and cut out my lame dream of being a writer. i regret having too much publicity and exposure of my blog. i feel like i have followers for the sake of repaying me ('cause i followed them). or maybe they pity me for having extended too much effort and see noone appreciating this crap, so they decided to follow. or maybe for the sake of friendship or so. i dont know.

maybe im too insecure. i say that im no better than an eight grader. i despise myself for being too pathetic and crappy at this thing. i really wanna learn but it's apparent that the quality of my posts are deteriorating. i don't even see any supporters other than LOUISE. thanks, beeeech. T.T

i am a sucker for attention, yes, i know. brand me with lame labels, i dont care. but all i want to say is that, don't expect me to post what you want to see because i'd write for my sake. this is my comfort zone so stop invading distractively. you may share my pain and thoughts but not rebut a single statement and go against what i want. this is my territory, you rotting cabbages!

come on, laugh harder. did i speak the wrong way? why do you focus on grammar while i'm trying my best to express my thoughts to make it universal? i do have foreign lurkers and they do not understand my language, so i use english. so people, stop telling me i have to quit using the language. i know i suck at it. but i wish to learn!

bloggers and non-blogger visitors, im not sorry if i offended you. it was meant, if it did offend you.

must-see list of movies this summer

2009-04-14T23:33:00.001+08:00

an amateur movie-maker

2009-04-14T22:49:00.004+08:00

A YOUTUBE NUT

2009-04-14T17:36:00.003+08:00

am sorry for the long absence. am writing to let people know that my neurons had enough in the Nursing Aptitude test and are not yet capable of brainstorming and sorting things out. am confused with a lot of things like my score in the NAT, my school, my scholarship, and my final decision of what field to specialize in. damn right!

and so, let me explain my absence. i was still on the blogosphere, reading. i just don't have the guts to update such a boring life.

i went on peaking some of my favorite scenes on youtube and found Meteor Garden, attractive. it was a two-day viewing and i decided to proceed to its part II. i also downloaded the movie Confessions of a Shopoholic and spent my time watching 3/4 of it. i don't know why i stopped, cant remember. and lastly, today, i watched a teenage korean movie entitled Jenny and Juno. it's my second time to view the movie so i understood it further.

craving for more videos.

thinking...

hell, i'll stop.

bye, blog hoppers!

a featured teacher.

2009-04-07T12:01:00.004+08:00

i went blog hopping a while ago and found too many blogs that were literally GREEK to me. and so, to kill boredom i played sorority life on FB. all of a sudden, i received an email from Friendster pertaining, "ROBERT has updated his friendster blog". so the next step was, i quickly clicked on the pop-up email message and got directed to his blog.

before i proceed, Robert or better known as Sir Rosales in our school is my Math teacher. he was not just that to me. he was more like a father to me and we've been through stuffs a student-teacher relationship would not have. to erase the malice that's playing on your mind now, i'll be naming those significant things i had with my beloved teacher.

he was the one who lended me money when my allowance get delayed. he was the one who listened to my rants and raves, even to the tiniest secret i had. when we pass by each other, we wouldnt miss this small talk about boys, grades, and the like. just like a father-daughter talk, indeed.

our friendship was once tested by fate. there was this time when we were preparing for the torch parade in our school and in line with that, we had to finish decorate a fifteen-feet-tall christmas tree for a contest. it so happened that, our section was the one unfinished and Sir Rosales being our adviser was very upset and stressed at the moment. i was so excited to ride that jeep we we rented for the torch parade and so i asked him to come, too. out of the blue he shouted at me, not noticing i was the one talking. and so i went on crying without showing him any sign of discomfort and hurt. the following day, i did not talk to him even though he was directly conversing. to me but i didnt stand it anymore and so hugged him and asked for apology.

i recall, everytime we have our class i would always crack a joke and make fun of him, but he was too patient or shall i say, he was to jolly to be offended or upset. another funny moment with him was when we were in Jollibee and my best friend spilled the Coke while sir was eating. ha ha!

people always have this perception that when a person's good in math, he sucks at english. but, hey! Sir's surely a good math teacher and a good writer. you better check his BLOG.

he is currently a law student in WMSU and he serves as one of my inspiration in life.

sir is not that congenial and open to people, and i'm glad that i had the chance to get to know him more and befriend him.

i miss you sir. this post is for you. take care. :)

PS. di na ako matatawag na sipsip ngayon dahil wala akong gradong kailangan mula sayo. ikaw ang all time favorite teacher ko, sir!

WHAT DO YOU EAT?

2009-04-06T21:51:00.001+08:00

ARE YOU A PIG? well, i am! ha ha! i eat a lot since this summer vacation started. i guess i was wanting all the food and did not have the chance to eat it while i was busy with my overloaded schoolworks. so here i am. food tripping. FOOD. and lots of FOOD. yeah! haha. let's talk about food.

TOP 5 OF WHAT I REALLY EAT (i love it)

1. sauteed vegetables
2. chocolate cake
3. turon (banana with lots a sugar)
4. Halo-halo (iced-milk with fruits, and the like)
5. dried squid w/ hot vinegar sauce

people of my age love eating unhealthy foods, don't count me in. the only unhealthy thing i'm taking in is excessive sugar and soda but i balance it with water therapy and lots a vegetables. ha ha!

HEY, WHAT DO YOU EAT?

A CALL FOR TEACHING PROFESSION

2009-04-06T12:07:00.003+08:00

if you noticed, i took a quiz on blogthings the other day which talked about what person am i. just a while ago i took another quiz on Facebook entitled "What SHOULD be your major" and i was like oh my god when i had the results.

look, i know im damn good in explaining things, appealing to the crowd, and the like. but i just don't have my heart beating for the TEACHING PROFESSION. i spent my whole life studying and i just want to get the hell out of it. my dream really is to work in biiiiiiiiiiiig damn hospitals.

i don't say i hate teaching, though. it's just NOT my top priority when it comes to my ambition. you see, i appreciate teachers a lot to the extent that they become my friends outside our four-cornered classroom.

i know, it is the teachers that mold us into what we are now and what we may become in the future. i just can't stand the small salary pay a teacher gets at the end of each month. and to my family whose standards are as high as the mount everest, that couldnt be.

my mom's a single parent, working more than twenty years abroad. she is the ONLY one raising me and supporting all my needs from financial to moral. i keep questioning myself on how to repay all her sacrifices and it's clear that TEACHING won't do any good to me.

i should get a job that would pay me ten times higher than of a teacher's salary.

my problem's focused on MY DREAM vs. FIELD OF EXCELLENCE (teaching profession)

what do you think?

SORORITY LIFE ON FACEBOOK

2009-04-05T21:53:00.004+08:00

picture out my achievements in just one day of gaming. i just don't understand why i differ from the majority who go for PET SOCIETY. i really find it boring, it's cute, though. this game's better for me. and if in real life the way to make money's similar to the sorority life, i swear i'll never get tired of working. :)

the young and the restless

2009-04-04T11:04:00.002+08:00

come on, now. call me the young and the restless. by an hour or so, i'll be going out to take the exam that draws the starting point of my chosen field, my dream, my everything. i am really afraaaaaaaid to fail. not when the whole family's expecting me to PASS that test. i still don't have a pencil. ha ha! and i haven't slept since last night. i hope my neurons would cooperate and work to the highest extent. good luck to me. :(

INCY WINCY SPIDER [spellcheck]

2009-04-04T00:56:00.003+08:00

have you experienced being inside a room, particularly the comfort room with someone (i mean something) you despise or are afraid of? and have you noticed yourself not taking your eyes off of it? gawd! i really despise BIGGGG SPIDERS because, their 6 haaaairy legs give me goose bumps. yuuuck.

and i met my enemy 3 times or more. don't be mistaken, did not *poo or whatever for the nth time. i was trying, though. i said i had severe stomach aches, did i? and this is worrying me a lot. that is why i am still up here. writing. moaning. arrrgh.

tomorrow's the Nursing Aptitude Test scheduled for me. i'm afraid i have to go out of the exam room from time to time to shout. this pain is really irking me and at the same time disturbing my daily routine. i can't eat the food i like, or even eat on time.

speaking of the NAT, i have not reviewed yet. my outfit, my pencil and stuffs aren't ready, either. the hell! i'm growing irresponsibe, lazy and clumsy. yaaaaaaaaaaaa!

good morning/night.

cheers to my best friend

2009-04-03T16:01:00.006+08:00

i can still picture out my experience of last year's summer when i had an opposite world. night becomes day and day becomes night. dinner becomes breakfast and breakfast becomes dinner. shower time was 8pm or later. cheers to my best friend who kept me company the whole time i was about to die of boredom. cheers to you my beloved computer who have taught me essential things in life, to be competitive and confident enough to face people.

now, still, and yet. i am with you, going strong and holding on but in a better way of living. i still manage to have a three-times-a-day meal, a regular bath time and early sleep. and i ain't dealing with group of posers (no offense, i can't find a better term) on FRIENDSTER.

and so i made my own group. ha ha! a group, not close and yet, not far to perfection. a group where the comment corner becomes a shout wall, the gallery becomes the treasure box of freestyle art and the profile itself becomes the home of those who want to express. if you want to join, here's the link.

SUMMER LOVE GANG

to those who want to join, just follow the rules given. see the site for the rules. :)

those were the days...

2009-04-02T21:02:00.003+08:00

hey, bloggers.
how's summer going out there?

i spent my first week of summer, sick. maybe it's the aftermath of too much stress and emotional burden. i still can't believe that i'm a college lass now. ha ha! well, i was literally sick! got this severe head ache with stomach ache 24/7 and a night shift fever. worse is that i really can't stand long because i get dizzy so fast.

now that im here, a little bit better, or shall i say fine. i took all the chances and time to make it up to my blog. i know no one reads my blog now. anymore. yet. whatever. :(

i had a chat with my high school classmate (how awkward i had to call her that way now) a while ago. and the conversation went this way:

jela: hey, shanne! miss you. musta na?
tim: fine lang. kaw?
jela: ok lang. sa wmsu ka na talaga? nursing?
tim: yeah. ata. ikaw?
jela: sa adzu. IT. bagay tlaga sayo magnursing shanne.
tim: bat mo nasabi yan?
jela: duh? red cross awardee ka kaya! and totoo naman. sabi nga ni ma'am
nung third year tayo.
tim: heh? talaga? no idea tlg. don't know that.
jela: oo. basta nag announce un sa announcer's booth na
something like"medic.. medic" and you were there running with your
trusted medical kit.ayun, napag usapan ka namen ni ma'am poli.
tim: those were the days, jela.

i will surely miss my four-year rendering of free service to those injured and needy players of pilar college. those little kids who stumble and cry for help. those whom in their little ways made my heart beat faster than normal by saying "salamat ate!"

i've been dedicating myself to the RED CROSS since i entered high school and i'm proud to say, it was only in my time that the RED CROSS CLUB in our school was made active. i was able to lead other 119 members (overpopulated) and mold them into responsible first-aiders. it was only in my time as the president that our school was granted permission by the directress to have a RED CROSS I.D for free. because i worked on it for 2 years, before i was elected as the president. and when i took hold of the title, president, i had the full authority to make it possible. it was only in my time that we had this overnight training on emergency care and first-aid that was held in our school. truly i say, even though i was only an auditor in my first year, a treasurer in my second and third year, it was never a hindrance to make a big difference.

i still remember my presidential speech before elections. i only delivered a short one. i only had seventeen sure supporters out of the 119. i said "i was serving for three years without pleading for position. with or without position, still, i am ready to render my service. it's all up to you to weigh us and bethrone the most deserving."

those were the days...

HOW DO I FALL INLOVE?

2009-04-02T15:24:00.002+08:00

among all the blog things i tried, i terribly liked (if that's the appropriate term) this one. i was struck by this and i felt it was as true as possible about what i feel now. this is one reason why i haven't posted something good yet.

It's Rather Easy For You to Fall in Love

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

THE POWER OF MY NAME

2009-04-02T14:57:00.003+08:00

Your Name's Power is Perception

Your name's power is that it helps you be perceptive.
Your name conveys both wholeness and wisdom.

People who meet you can't help but think you are enlightened.
You try to live your life with flexibility and insight.

yeah. and that's why i lurrrrve to think. and to judge. and to criticize. ha ha! and let's not be a hypocrite, we all JUDGE. ayyt? and i really have this unique perception in all things i do, i see and whatever goes. i mean, we all do have a UNIQUE perception. ha ha! sorry. i'm just bored.

2009-04-02T14:51:00.002+08:00

You Are the Communicator

You are a collector and facilitator of knowledge. You love storytelling and teaching.
You light up when you're around other people, and you especially light up in front of a crowd.

You are a charismatic person who's genuinely a joy to be with. You remind others to have fun.
You love life, and you wake up grateful for every new day. This attitude makes the people around you love life as well.

I AM NOT GOING TO COLLEGE AS A BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN ELEMENTARY/ SECONDARY EDUCATION. no no no!!!!

the 'he' of my life

2009-03-31T15:53:00.003+08:00

isn't he amazing?

the way he dresses

to impress people,

with his hair styled on and

his nails short and clean,

it's all him.

isn't he adorable?

he knows how to deal well

with people of different

walks of life,

old or young,

poor or rich.

he's good in playing sarcasm

the way he does it

to no other than me.

i wonder how he stands it

or how he even eats up

his conscience in doing so.

they say he's a damn genius

therefore, he has his head

better than his heart.

well, i say he has both,

because i love him

and i've been blinded

by all the stupid traits

that wraps up his whole package.

it's his voice,

his face, his touch, his smile,

his silly laugh and corny jokes,

his everything, it haunts me

all night.

and i would always tell him,

you're dressed to kill

design to capture

and programmed to

deceive me.

last night i said, "i give up, boy.

you've caused me too much

pain to bear. too much"

that's the 'he' of my life.

now tell me, does he deserve me?

should i continue loving him?

GRADUATION DAY.

2009-03-29T17:35:00.005+08:00

PHOTOGRAPHS OF WHAT WAS...

2009-03-28T11:05:00.004+08:00

BEAUTIFUL WHEREABOUTS OF MY PRESTIGIOUS INSTITUTION

RED STAGE-- the place where i once conducted the national anthem, the school hymn and the Zamboanga Hermosa Song.

OUR LADY OF THE PILAR CHAPEL-- it's where i attend the first friday mass and other Eucharistic events. i even had an unforgettable moment with my ex boyfriend (it's not what you think it is).
THE PILAR COLLEGE CANTEEN-- so far, it's the biggest canteen a school owns here in zamboanga. i will really miss the mas-masarap-sa-jollibee fried chicken and the talbog-ang-gravy sauce of this place. i think we, seniors of this batch, pig out a lot on their food. yum yum.
THE MARIAN ANNEX BUILDING-- our building, i say. this three-storey superstructure was my second home for 3 years of my high school life.
THE I-DONT-KNOW-WHAT BUILDING-- it's new. it's where the clinic, the guidance center and the T.H.E laboratory is located.
THE GROTTO-- it's where we practice, play cha-cha, play badminton and run like were still toddlers. LOLLL.
A LANDSCAPE NEAR OUR CLASSROOM-- somehow, it expresses our negative emotions as we leave the portals of our beloved alma mater. the dryness of the field, specifically. maybe i say i'm dry because i still didnt get enough memories in high school to keep me moving to the next level. i think im still thirsty for moist. i still want to stay and enjoy, and so as the others.
THE CASHIER AREA-- i'll never forget how considerate my school was to those people who were financially challenged.
THE MOTHER IGNACIA BUILDING-- i seldom stay here. maybe i get to step on this piece of ground when i go to the library and the projection room.

MOTHER IGNACIA's STATUE IN FRONT OF THE CHAPEL

OUTER LOOK OF THE CHAPEL

THE GYMNASIUM

THE PEOPLE

THE FIELD CALLED QUADRANGLE

THE BEAUTY OF THE NATURE

THE CATERPILLAR TRYING TO MAKE IT'S WAY OUT OF THE COCOON LIKE WHAT WE, THE GRADUATES OF 2009 ARE ABOUT TO DO WHEN INTRODUCED TO COLLEGE.

THE NEWLY BUILT COVERED AUDITORIUM

how am i gonna live without a glance of these sites? it's hard to be so attached to things that aren't permanent. moving-on, goodbyes and other things that go with detachment make me sick.:(

THE BITTERSWEET MEM'RIES

2009-03-27T13:29:00.004+08:00

i'm never wearing my blue jumper again. the flat black shoes and white ankle-length socks, they are all worth keeping out of sight. i just don't want to feel this sickening imprint on me. i hate to think that my friends and i are on different tracks this day on. yes, i've grown tired of their faces but never tired of sharing a lifetime friendship with them.

march 26, 2009 was my last opportunity to step on the grounds of my alma mater as a senior high school student. it really caused me a nerve break down. i had to wake up early to help prepare the house for an afterparty. i had my hair and make up done at 12:35pm and i was obliged to be at school by 12:30pm. if i didn't go out of the car at the U-turn section infront of our school's gym, i wouldnt be able to have my class picture- surely i wouldn't forgive myself for that. this was the worst commencement our school conducted, i'd bet. the thanksgiving mass started thirty minutes late because the priest had came from a far place. the songs were cut short and not all were able to adjust with that. when the mass ended, we were given a fifteen-minute break to retouch and eat. i hated our marching because they reversed everything and made a mess, annoying to the highest level! errr.

during the ceremony, i was expecting myself to cry a bucketfull of tears, but i didnt. i didn't know what was really happening. all did was listen to the names of my batchmates being called on the stage, stare at those proud parents and relatives who were on their way down after receiving. i would even compliment some who're good-looking. ha ha! a stupid critique. something happened and i had goose bumps on, a parent stumbled all the way down from the stage and we were all terrified by that.

even when my best friend was delivering the valedictory speech, i didn't feel it was time to cry, but of course i was touched. it was a moving one. "no, it's not the time to cry," i said. then after all the awarding- i was an awardee *cheers, we had our formation up the stage to sing the alma mater song, the pilar college hymn (for the last time) and our graduation song, Journey. there i wasn't really feeling the urge to cry, until i saw my adviser crying her heart out, there. tears ran down my face. and after the numerous flashes and cameras and spot lights and parents and whatever i saw last night, i finally hugged a few friends, teachers, but not all.

i was in a hurry because my guests were waiting at home. i didnt expect guests, really. especially when i saw gifts. darn! ha ha! it's really an overwhelming thought that even my tired cousins, the ones who worked all day to prepare, had time to buy gifts for me. they were petty ones but worth appreciating.

i know, in life, there are goodbyes but goodbye is not the end. it's a start of something new. along with me i will bring my bittersweet memorabilia. i will move on, i know. i won't say goodbye but instead, i'll say, "see you later".

P.S i have no official ceremony pictures because we were not allowed to take pictures. we have official photographers in school. and they were the ones who took pictures. i would wait for one or two weeks and try to scan some pics so i could show you. i will be posting some pictures of our school grounds which i took on the last school day i had.

--It is indeed ironic that
we spend our school days
yearning to graduate
and our remaining days
waxing nostalgic about
our school days.

MY RECITAL VIDEO

2009-03-21T17:15:00.004+08:00

it's a video of me playing my piece. it's not the actual play. i did the documentation after the recital, respectively.

2009-03-21T16:33:00.004+08:00

In less than a week i am no longer a senior, a high school student, a put-on-a-show girl. in less than a week, a new beginning is yet to start and a new exquisite chapter of my cliche-filled book is yet to be read and understood by new readers. i don't know what really is waiting for me. i, too, don't know what career to choose and what school to study in. i don't know what exactly should i do with my life. currently i'm not in a good condition with my six-year-old friends. it's the most heartbreaking part of my ending high school life, to exit the portals of my alma mater carrying with me an unsolved fuss.

just yesterday i realized that i am wearing my blue-with-white-stripes-on-the-side baggy, jogging pants and my senior shirt for the last time and i'm spending my very last friday in school.
the feeling is really sickening. :(

will i be able to run around the campus like that? i think not. will i be able to shout around and laugh so loud? in college, if i do that, i'll sound stupid and immature. *sigh

the remaining days of my high school are so mundane that i can't even talk about them because i feel so trashed.

don't worry dear blog-hoppers. i've got a lot of posts stored for you. let's talk about summmmerr. yeah!

Doldrum's Aftermath

2009-03-14T22:09:00.002+08:00

my six mundane must-know-now facts

2009-03-14T21:40:00.002+08:00

I was tagged here by Louise, creator of Dear Diary.

The rules are:

1) Put the link of the person who tagged you on your blog.

2) Write the rules.

3) Mention 6 things or habits of no real importance about you.

4) Tag 6 persons adding their links directly.

5) Alert the persons that you tagged them.

My six mundane facts:

1) While I was applying for the Nursing Aptitude Test in a university, i so happen to leave my newly bought shoes at the hallway today.

2) I hate the sound of my last name.

3) I copy homeworks early morning and im not guilty for that.

4) I can sleep for 14 hours a day. tired or not.

5) I count the day before graduation but i exclude weekends. it's 8 schooldays from now.

6) I am never contented with the food i eat. i crave for more. PIG. tsk.

I tag:

Louise from Dear Diary

Jobel from Blahs from the Past

Alyssa from Life goes on

Vivienne from Vivienne in Wonderland

Rica from Mahal kong Bloggy

Kimi from Glitter Pen Mayhem

doldrum's aftermath

2009-03-09T14:23:00.009+08:00

I'm so sorry for the long absence. I've been so much attached with books, lately. i understand I'm a newbie in the world of books, and so i have this oh-this-book's-wonderful-he-now-is-my-favorite-author attitude. so count Nicholas Sparks in as one of my favorite author. i surely have watched the movie "A Walk to Remember" but i was in the fourth grade when i did so. and now, i got the main message of the story through reading the book. it's not just that mere sad love story where the leading lady, Mandy Moore dies of leukemia. it's a story of faith and "don't judge the book by its cover". I'm done, actually. I'm on the next book entitled The Devil's Teardrop. I'm looking forward to like it. don't be frightened when I'd say its author is now one of my favorite, too.

ha ha! am i a bookworm? and when i get to read this book of Jeffery, i'd proceed to the next, Lake News. ha ha! of course, im just waiting for 16 more days to finally take hold of my diploma. no more school works. i just hate our grauation practice's ground rules.
1.) students should be in their COMPLETE school uniform.
2.) attendance will be checked from 7:00am-4:30pm.
3.) 3 absences will mean disqualification from the graduation ceremony. ( 3 tardiness means 1 absence)

i hate rule number three! that 7:00AM! errrrr.

a change

2009-03-03T15:17:00.004+08:00

i feel like making a bit changes in my world. you just have to bear with me. :)

www.shanneysphere.blogspot.com to www.shanneycore.blogspot.com

SHANNEYSPHERE to NOSTALGIC DISASTER

&& the BLOG THEME. :)

got to study two more subjects. i'll blog soon.

doldrum's aftermath

2009-03-01T17:16:00.000+08:00

hey, bloggers. i'm having my final exams starting tomorrow. in three days time, i would walk the campus of my dear alma mater, Pilar College, worry-free and proud. yeah! that's the spirit.

test schedule

March 02

English
Accounting
Advanced Physics

March 03
calculus
analytic geometry
CL
filipino

March 04
economics
environmental chem

no more music, computer and science research. YEY! :)

doing the advanced biology way

2009-03-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

I’m unique because i have a different set of characteristics that was carried by my plasmids and DNA that was cut by the restriction enzyme that made up my RECOMBINANT DNA then later on was combined by the help of an enzyme called DNA ligase and formed RECOMBINANT PLASMIDS that covered the composition of my cell and later on was mass produced and formed an embryo that developed in my mom’s womb and later on as time went by, it formed ME and those characteristics that was carried by the vectors in my plasmids are not as the very EXACT characteristics that can be found on the RECOMBINANT PLASMIDS that covers the composition of your very own cell.. Period!

King and Queen 2009

2009-02-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

as promised last wednesday, i've stolen an inch of my time to blog to explain things out.

it was just last monday when finally i was asked to represent our class as a queen. my partner's Kevin jasani, my close friend, that's not a problem. long have waited to join such coronation in our school because i am often forbidden by my aunts to join-they'd say it's a waste of time, effort and money. but the case here is very different. i wasnt asked to put out a little cash. even my hair and make-up was sponsored by my adviser, mrs. scarlet just so i'd be able to represent our class. and so i agreed upon joining. she asked me to wear my prom gown AGAIN because the concept's appropriate to it.

okaaay. so now what? i'm ms. peace and he's mr. peace. we had our march from the green house to the gymnasium where tons of people were. others where on their standing position already. this could be one of the most spectacular night in our prestigious academe because of the preparation. different Asian dances were performed such that of the Malaysian and Chinese. also people from chong hua had their dragon dance. i find the numbers cuuuuuute. :) i loved it.

one hell of a night, i had to sit for three long hours there. worse is that my migraine attacked and i was about to lose my poise. of course, i should be sitting there like a princess. it's the the-queen-and-her-royal-court concept of show. sashes were pinned the i had problems when i had to stand and my heels would be stuck on my petticoat. err. that sandals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the event did not just stop there. we were asked to attend a reach out somewhere in St.Barbara today. along with us, we brought goodies and lots of goodies. ha ha! i did not expect that the reach out would be the best ever reach out i'd attend. probably this is the last. 26 days more and im out of my school. :(

"i'm 15 years old. i am in this place for 9 years now. i was a victim of my step-mother who usually put me inside the habitat of a PIG. the pig's food is mine, too. and so i ran away from home and the police brought me here. " "im 18 years old. if my father wasnt ambushed, probably i am not here. i did not know my mom ever."
"i have 12 siblings. the first two are noys and the rest of us, girls. my father and brothers would usually sexually harrass us and my mom wouldnt believe our rants. my other siblings would just watch and cry while my brothers would pig out with my body!"

these are just some of the of the significant stories that didn't leave my system though i was out of the place already.

now, bloggers, do i have enough reason to cry? do i have enough reason to make you realize how fortunate you are to have a home? in the first place, do i make sense now? i am so much drowned with emotional problems, but i didnt realize that these kids' problems are worse not until i visited that place. inspite of my problems, i have come to know that i am not the unluckiest being.
i hope this lesson learned would make you realize, too.

XOXO,
TIM

50th POST. [meme]

2009-02-26T12:52:00.000+08:00

i am currently up to nothing. ive got nothing to write. yet. tomorrow and the day after that would have an explanation. and so i went blog-hopping again. and this is what i found in Louise's, this 'meme' thingy. i guess it'll help me now. ha ha! and i've noticed that this meme caused bloggers to have this CHAIN ENTRY. it's a chain from cheng to krista then krista to Louise and now, Louise to me. so here it goes.

LAYER ONE:

– Name: Shanne
– Birth date: September 25, 1992
– Birthplace: Kuwait
– Current Location: Zamboanga City, Philippines
– Eye Color: dark brown
– Hair Color: dark brown.
– Height: 5 feet 2 inches
– Righty or Lefty: lefty
– Zodiac Sign: Libra

LAYER TWO:

– Your heritage: dad's a bangla and mom's a pure filipina
– The shoes you wore today: it's a holiday. i've not gone to school so that exempts me from wearing my shoes
– Your weakness: Numbers [im just average at it. so... i guess it's a... weakness]. Insects[eeeeew]
– Your fears: God and Failures

– Your perfect pizza: the one with a lot of melted cheese on it. yum yum.
– Goal you’d like to achieve: to be a somebody someday. not just that mere somebody. i want to be known for my profession.

LAYER THREE:
– Your most overused phrase on messengers: :D, :)), =)), :) i see.
– Your first waking thoughts: school. him.
– Your best physical feature: people say it's my EYES and my Lips. :))
– Your most missed memory: being the PERKY me.

LAYER FOUR:
– Pepsi or Coke: coke
– McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald's. i only love the burger at burger kings [it's cheeeeesy] ans their toys. [kiddie meal]
– Single or group dates: could it be a no date?
– Adidas or Nike: Adidas
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea ice
– Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
– Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino.

LAYER FIVE:
– Smoke: uh. government warning, cigarette smoking is dangerous. i dont want that bad breath and the smell itself.
– Cuss: ---
– Sing: i sing a lot. i go for contests and recitals or even choir competitions
– Take a shower everyday:of course!
– Do you think you’ve been in love: absolutely, yeah.
– Want to go to college: in 28 days time i'd graduate.
– Liked high school: totally. freakishly YEAH!
– Want to get married: not now.
– Believe in yourself: almost.
– Get motion sickness: yeah.
-Think you’re attractive: i am. so much. it's not a matter of showing off, but i totally am.
– Think you’re a health freak: nah-uh!.
– Get along with your parent(s): that was before. do i have a parent now? still? i dont think so.
– Like thunderstorms: no.
– Play an instrument: Nope. base, guitar, grand piano, porta sound, a little of drums and flute

LAYER SIX:
In the past month…
– Drank alcohol: nope.
– Smoked: nope.
– Done a drug: nope and never will.
– Made Out: not until i'm married
– Gone on a date: nope.
– Gone to the mall?: yeah.
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Nope.
– Eaten sushi: nope.
– Been on stage: yeah.
– Been dumped: nope.
– Gone skating: yeah.
– Made homemade cookies: nope.
– Gone skinny dipping: nope.
– Dyed your hair: Nope.
– Stolen Anything: Never.

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever…
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: Nope.
– Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yeah.
– Been caught “doing something”: No.
– Been called a tease: yeah
– Gotten beaten up: Yes!
– Shoplifted: Never.
– Changed who you were to fit in: why should i? no way!

LAYER EIGHT:
– Age you hope to be married: 27, hopefully.
– Numbers and Names of Children: a girl and a boy. the name would depend on who'll be my man. it would be a combi of our name. :)
– Describe your Dream Wedding: to be weded to the man i truly love. i don't want it simple. it should be a FEAST. ha ha! romantic and of course, i would want my family and his family to be ONE
– How do you want to die: not waking up anymore
– Where you want to go to college: Western Mindanao State University, University of the Philippines [i did not take the exam yet] and/or Ateneo De Zamboanga University
– What do you want to be when you grow up: a mother. a doctor. a known graphical artist and photographer and a head nurse of one of the biggest hospitals.
– What country would you most like to visit: USA, Kuwait, France and Korea
LAYER NINE:
– Number of drugs taken illegally: Zero.
– Number of people I could trust with my life: me, myself and i
– Number of CDs that I own: i dont count them
– Number of piercings: 2
– Number of tattoos: Zero.
– Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Many times, in the school paper.
– Number of scars on my body: one big scar.
– Number of things in my past that I regret: should i even count that? that'd make me feel more embarrassed!

XOXO,
TiM

DOLDRUM's AFTERMATH

2009-02-23T21:47:00.000+08:00

another mundane post. i just feel like playing with colors and shapes. here are the products of my stupidity, again. :)

MY LAME WORKS :)

CREDITS TO YOU, MY DEAR CYBER FRIENDS

2009-02-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

JOBEL. LOUISE. KIMI

i would like to flash before you the girl behind the origin of this blog. Jobeline Mae Fernandez (forgive me if i misspelled your precious name), her writing skills inspired me to practice mine. although an ordinary person, she's one of my favorite author. she's the owner of BLAH's from the PAST. it's clickable, check it out.

i would also like to acknowledge a girl, who is now my friend, for challenging me, for correcting me and for furtherly honing my skills. she's definitely one-of-a-kind and smart. i look up to her. she's a keen writer. she owns DEAR DIARY. a writer close to STEPENIE MEYER, that's how i see her. :) she's no other than Louise Viray.

and finally, i'd want you to meet this bubbly lass who's drop-dead cool and hip. she's got a great personality. once i get to talk to her, the atmosphere alters into a soothing one. she says im sort of a clone of her kind. no, not the face. it's the kind of life or choices we have. she abuses "ha ha" so much. i'm thankful i could link her. she's a new blogger. go and visit Glitter Pen Mayhem. the name's VANESSA KIM.

XOXO,

TiM

IS THIS REALLY GOODBYE?

2009-02-21T21:24:00.000+08:00

what am i supposed to do the night before prom?oh well, sleep early, of course. that wasn't my story. what i did was to read the remaining chapters of my favorite book, breaking dawn. it's sad to say that im finally done with it. i would like to inform you even though i am not obliged to. :( i wont talk too much about it now.

PS
sorry for the lame-slash-mundane post. i feel so bad about it. :(

EXPECT FOR MORE. prom pics. :)

2009-02-21T10:55:00.000+08:00

MORE. click.

EAAB tour. *a valentine's special

2009-02-15T17:39:00.000+08:00

good for those lovers out there, you guys go out.
good for those whose families are intact, you could go for a trip.
good for those people who've made the most out of their valentine's day.

'tis our schedule for off-campus taping. we were to go to EAAB, Edwin Andrews Air Base, to tape six chapters of our class project in filipino. and on my way th ere, i encountered unwanted situations. i rode a tricycle whose driver's so annoying with his out-of-this-world-questions and evil laughs.

good thing, he brought me where i was tasked to go. and since it's my first time, i have no idea as to where will i go and so i texted a classmate. too bad i tex ted the wrong classmate. the classmate who would not care even if i was kidnapped that moment. ugh!

and so i went around looking for a crowded place, to make sure i was away from danger. then i found them by the playground. a concerned classmate came to greet me. and to her surprise, i have turned my hands into fists with anger. i was crying.

the classmate whom i texted did not even dare to come near me, infact, were best friends. not anymore since friday, i guess. :(

i manged the day with photographs then went home when i was allowed to. here are some i'd like to share.

XOXO,
TiM

DOLDRUM's AFTERMATH

2009-02-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

it's as if i was bitten by a snake. the venom's so strong that it was spread throughout my system in no time. this poison, a xenobiotic substance in environmental chemistry, is foreign to my whole being. xenobiotic metabolism is the only way i could get this venom out. this process is a process of detoxification. and this is what i long for. blah blah blah.

.....

another stupidity. im the best example for a shenanigan. a mongrel. a bitch.

i hate it. i cant sleep.

REPORT ON XENOBIOTIC TOMORROW. fat ass! argh!

BRiNGiNG BACK THE PERKY ATTiTUDE

2009-02-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

my last two entries filled out this blog with a nullifying atmosphere, thus, resulting my whole system to harmonize the trend. i was about to totally forget about that happiness-slash-light still existed. it's not that i have nothing good about the past few days. who's to blame? well, it's none other than yours truly. ruled over by fear, anxiety, stress and a lot of dramatic hormones, it seems that i've been drowned all throughout this week. my only enemy is myself, my perceptions in particular. eventually, i wasn't the only one affected. i had a bit of misunderstanding with a person, my best friend in specific. i wasn't ready to cut anything about my sluggish attitude not until today.

lemme first tell you how happy i am about my report card. yes, i went down by a couple of points, actually, everyone went down. ha ha! that's a reason to be perky. another is that, among the fourty-two of us inside the four-cornered room of 4-peace, eighteen were gifted [?!] with a line of 7 in the analytic geometry. gifts aren't always good, right? and to my surprise, i'm not one of those eighteen when i expected that i would be. that's another reason to be perky about! ha ha!

okaaaay! enough with the academic stuffs there. lemme talk about what had happened between me and my bestfriend. it's a CUTE STORY.

(dismissal time. approximately 5pm)

he approached me with a child-like facial expression over his face. then he suddenly whispered to my right ear, "SORRY NA".

i was about to prolong the drama but i was carried away. like i said in my past entry, i easily forgive. the thing was that i laughed out too loud, it's because of his facial expression. he looked like a three-year-old juvenile who happened to break a vase. ha ha! and then he said "bakit ka tumatawa? sincere ang tao dito. makahurt ka man!"

*to my foreign visitors, the quoted sentence meant "why are you laughing at me? im sincere here and it hurts how you had to laugh at my sincerity"

then i went near him and did the same act. i whispered to his ear, too, "OK LANG". finally, we've patched things up, now.

too many tears shed, too many hours wasted, and yet, in just a snap, i've forgiven him. it was so easy. it's how i value friendship. it's a matter of pride over love.

xoxo,

TiM

I TYPE AS I THINK. I CRY AS I TYPE. *READ

2009-02-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

just let me write. i don't care whether i'm making a constructive post. just let me write. he's so mean! actually, he caused me a bucket full of tears, today. he fooled me, i'm trying to forgive. it's not that easy. im still in a state of shock. i tried to get rid of this anguish and dionysiac yet i feel like there's nothing i can do to make myself feel better. im getting worse every minute. i try not to shed tears and yet i still find myself here, in front of the monitor, crying..... typing... then crying. i hate this. i can't set my----- totally-out-of-this-world brain. i hate him. maybe today. will i tomorrow? maybe not. another thing is that, i easily forgive him for damages. why cant i say these words straight, "what sorry can do if the damage is done?". ugh! i hate everything around me! i never get affected bt people like this. not like the way he affects me. readers, he's not my boyfriend. just a best friend. i dont know. i'm not making sense i know. this entry is my outlet, my form of expression, my safe harbor, my pain killer and my relief to uncertainty. i'm not trying to be conspicuous. im really, trully, madly, whatsoever word that goes with it, i'm beyond hurt! how am i suppose to calm myself down? i all i want to do is shoutttttttttttttt. but of course, i should block the urge. it's not proper. what i know now is that i begrudge the person i love so much. he's more than a friend to me. hate it! i really dont understand what i feel. not even a friend could help. i was, i was------------------- so LIFELESS. it took me 10 years to finish washing the plates. i bet my cousin noticed my weirdness. i have a lot to write. actually, a lot to REPEAT. there's nothing more to what im saying now. it's all about PAIN, GRUDGE, RANT and GRIEF. i suppose i have to end here. bye!

MEET ABHORRENCE, TODAY

2009-02-03T22:12:00.000+08:00

today's agenda will be focused on writing about today's enmity. my dramatic hormones are very active and i feel like working with it, apparently. since the year started, i've never obliged myself to be conspicuous. instead, i would sit around the corner and keep my mouth shut in times of prejudice and loathing.

today isn't really that bad. in fact, it was a good school day for me. i was able to prepare myself for class discussions and ambush exams. these are the things i've not seen in me during this school year. i was just wondering, why wasn' i this active at the very beginning? why is my neurotic hormones disappearing only now? why just now? well, let me answer my own question. it's better now than never, shanne! for God's sake, i'm trying to express something here. oh, shanne, just don't go out of the topic, will you?

early in the morning i was pissed off by a classmate who, well, doesn't know how to borrow stuffs properly. she should have learned that in borrowing one's stuff, she should be returning that stuff to that someone, and not to another someone! pardon me if i'm running out of GRAMMAR!

another is that, i was pissed off by a STOLEN SHOT. hey, photographer, no offense to you. it's no big deal now, im just trying to share. it's still part of what transpired today, right?

i was really, really exhausted when i came home yet i had to finish a presentation for our physics report tomorrow. ugh! i don't know whether to narrate the story now or... sleep. i'm tired! it's as simple as if i was waiting for a group mate to help me. she promised she will but in the end, she ended up telling me that she'll plainly read. what about the visual aid? darn! then don't report. because of my ill-suited temper, i was able to finish 2 cups of hot chocolate.

graduation's fast approaching. so fast that in no time, i would be able to free myself from my low-down academe. i don't question the quality education i get neither the facilities i'm privileged to. justice is the number one questionable matter. i swear to God, i really feel the inequality in treatment.

i was just talking about today, but i was able to link a lot of irrelevant stuffs. by this, i guess i've explained myself to you. you know my mood, now.

i think i have over equipped my blog with pictures. let me fill in the long absence of a composition, now.

XOXO,

TiM

DOLDRUM'S AFTERMATH

2009-02-02T22:58:00.001+08:00

I WiSH I WAS A KID, AGAIN. I HAVEN'T ENJOYED MUCH OF MY CHILDHOOD. T.T

i had dinner outside with the rest of my cousins. and since i'm up to nothing, here's another product of boredom.

i love the comfort room's mirror. oh, the bowl, i mean!

fat ass. lol. i am, i am.

rica, my trusted cousin. we talk a lot at home. ha ha!

advance greetings. :)

give me a date, would you mind?

she says she's cute, well i guess im pretty. ha ha!

more snapshots @ http://friendster.com/xxtimzxx

WANT ME TO BE YOUR TEACHER?

2009-02-01T22:14:00.001+08:00

I'll teach you how to pose, then. :) let's tackle photography. haha!

(snapshots-- A TEACHING EXPERIENCE)

XOXO,

TiM

DOLDRUM'S AFTERMATH

2009-02-01T21:31:00.000+08:00

it's my first post due to boredom. for formality, i made it a part of my blog, now. just subscribe for more boredom products. haha! senseless, right? that's why it is called boredom 'cause in the first place, it's B O R i N G! haha. :)

can't think of anything to write. all i did was sleep, eat, and blog all day. i'm helpless. haha! funny, funny.

so, what's up tonight? gotta prepare for tomorrow. it's gonna be monday. im gonna meet my classmates' ass again. gotta kick them! haha!

XOXO,

TiM

A TEACHING EXPERIENCE

2009-02-01T13:49:00.000+08:00

never in my life i have felt for my teachers. never in my life i have given damn considerations for their feelings. i am proud to admit that i am one of those millions of sluggish, inconsiderate people who would stab behind them and make fun of them. are you, too?

it's not easy to be a teacher. the way you talk, the way you stand, the way you walk, the way you laugh and the way you do it, it all matters. it matters not only to the students but to the whole WORLD. people look up to teachers as some kind of a role model. they would always picture out a teacher as someone perfect, philantrophic, meritorious and tractable. teachers are still human, bound to commit mistakes, before we forget.

but what do we do when teachers commit certain errors? when they pronounce words incorrectly, when they write words with errors in spelling, when they lose track in the usage of correct grammar, and when they dress like how they are not supposed to dress, what do we do? we right away laugh at them. we tease them, make funny stories out of them and even baptize them with unbefitting names.

now, let me tell you what is it to be in the Terra firma of teachers.

as a teacher, i had to prepare my lessons and be ready with them a night before I'm about to teach. i had to master my topic and even practice muttering over and over till i don't get tongue-tied. as a teacher, i had to think of how my students will be motivated and how my students would find their lessons interesting. i needed to prepare activities making sure that i would catch their attention. it's like feeding a 3-year old juvenile whom you have to chase around the house.

first, i really had difficulties in choosing what to wear. a teacher must look pleasant and decent in front of students for the students not to start those dirty little stories. second, i had to be earlier than my students in school. even in a hurry, i should not show lack of poise.the hardest part i had to face was to be on stage when we were supposed to be introduced. it was like joining a beauty pageant.

during break time, teachers do not rest nor have fun. they are always loaded with grading sheets and class records to finish. i, myself, have experienced such in my two-day teaching experience. grades must be justifiable in all aspect. another thing is that, during break time, we prepare ourselves for the upcoming class discussions. we'd familiarize our topic and so on.

I'm so grateful that i was given the opportunity to be in the shoes of my teachers. this is only offered in our school, so far, in zamboanga city.

for just two days of teaching, i found myself becoming worse. someone beyond a sleepyhead. imagine, i slept for 13 hours straight then took a 3-hour nap? what more if I'd put myself in a full-time job as a teacher? aha!

the two-day teaching experience i had will be one of the memorable days of my life in the high school department.

finally, i feel for my teachers. i enjoyed teaching but it doesn't mean i want to be a teacher now. NEVER will i let myself suffer that way. that two days is enough.

a self-proclaimed quotation:

"remember that

the teachers are the ones

responsible for molding

persons you see in

different walks of life"

XOXO,

TiM

Just Don't! RETROSPECT 007

2009-01-29T19:21:00.000+08:00

don't take advantage of my ignorance, it is my stepping stone towards learning. and when i learn, i easily belong to the group of crackerjacks.

i learn things easily. i learn things when i want to. i learn things when im eager to slap one's face.

for instances:

in playing the guitar.
story behind: i usually ask my cousins to teach me play the instrument. and to my surprise, i still have to pay 10 pesos as a talent fee per song. having that sad fate, i tried to watch every stram, every chord and i tried to pick every string that was plucked. then suddenly, ta-dah! i know how to play the guitar and people got amazed. people, especially those who refused to teach me, those who asked for payment.

in photography.
story behind: belonging to a place where vanity exists, not just exists but reigns, photography became the center of my life. yet, i was not contented with photographs alone. i wanted to recreate it just like how photos are enhanced in studios. i also envied people who knew how to use the photoshop. i usually ask favors from them. i usually ask them to edit pics as gifts for me. since i became too impatient waiting for months for me to have one picture edited, i started trying. little by little. i tried to discover techniques and more techniques. finally, i've got line ups of people who ask me to edit pictures for them. some even say "better pursue photography than Nursing."

in online gaming.
story behind: i was just interested in friendster and yahoo messenger. i found my cousins yelling, laughing and howling as if there's a party inside the internet cafe. suddenly, i saw that they were playing some kind of an online game. they asked me to try. when i started playing, i was always left behind, and they laugh so hard for that. at the end of the week, i was able to outrun them. my character holds a higher level and a higher name, too. now, they would bring some school friends home to compete with me. :)

these three are just random selection of proficiencies i've come to achieve. there's a lot more than that, i just wouldn't want to tell people now. i want to be discovered.

XOXO,

TiM

THE GRUDGE

2009-01-27T23:17:00.000+08:00

it's been three years of suffering in the hands of science research. rush deadlines and pre-defenses, final paper and final defenses and unwanted-bloody-scribbles-of-aggravating marks on my paper! i know i'll owe my teacher a lot for these, someday. but the point is, i'm not planning to be a full-time researcher, someday. there's no sense in going too far, too fast and too advanced when research could be smoothly bearable. ordinary seniors used to have research papers as a final requirement but not in my case. i started the fate of the seniors during my sophomore life and im sure other SSC's (Special Science Curriculum) classes and science high schools started theirs as early as mine.

research, one of the minor subjects at school, is not even required to be inclusive in the basic curriculums of teaching. it's a mere part of being ADVANCED, in my case. i keep on questioning why'd i have to take it as a subject? why can't it be counted as a project or requirement? i've been handling worse situations because of research. research used to eat most of my time. research even leaves me hanging with unanswered questions, it is the main reason for my sleepless nights and it is the main reason why im not able to manage my time. it's a whole lot of WASTE! waste of money, waste of time, waste of skills, waste of energy and waste of happiness!

i've got twelve academic subjects to deal with but research is my priority despite of it being a MINOR one. i know that without research, life wouldnt be easier for us to deal with. i know, i know that. all i want is to be exactly where my brain should be. who cares if i belong to the group of brainy people in school? who cares if we are brainy, though? they shouldn't be taking advantage of our capabilities. they, the teachers, shouldn't be pushing us beyond the limits of learning. i know it's better to learn more than learn nothing at all. it's not learning anymore, it's a mental torture. i no longer see the essence of learning anymore.

pressure is different from torture. pressure is fairly bearable than torture. i just hope that these few teachers im talking about would realize how it feels being humiliated and embarrassed infront of professional people. it's not just my research teacher, im talking about other teachers, too.

im just releasing out the grudge i'd kept for three horrible years.

so much for research, i won't be defending anymore. today's the last. although, results are rejected, at least i had an answer to my statement of the problem.

i won't forget my journey with research. somehow, it brought some good memories. it's just that bad ones are dominant. haha! either way, research is still a vital part of human life's improvision.

“That's the nature of

research - you don't

know whatin hell

you're doing.”

XOXO,

TiM

FiRE AND iCE

2009-01-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

fire and ice-- my favorite chapter in the book. to give an overview to those who can't relate, i'll be giving a review. in this chapter, Edward Cullen, bella's boyfriend and Jacob Black, bella's bestfriend who's in love with her at the same time, had a some sort of heart-to-heart talk. they both confessed on how their were dying in agony because of JEALOUSY. they also talked about ifs and thens and pros and cons. i just can't imagine a vampire talking to a werewolf knowing that they're natural enemies and their scent burns the nostrils of one another. it's pretty exciting for me to finish that chapter and find out if they turned out to be friends. so much for that, i liked the 3rd book than the 2nd, NEW MOON.

apparently, i'm being quite panic-striken to proceed to the 4th book. i know that it's the last book alive and published so far. i just can't wait for the 5th book ahead. i feel like im salivating for more.

stephenie meyer has a great impact and contribution to my booklife. i've never been engaged to books like this. if i finish the 4th book, BREAKING DAWN, in time, i would say that she made me read 4 books in 2 weeks time.

i'll start reading tomorrow. :)

XOXO,

TIM

MERE EXPRESSiON OF TODAY

2009-01-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

the weeks before today, the sleepless nights, the undying sacrifices and agony inside me, finally, i could say that my unending sufferings quite took a vacation, today. after some time, i would have to face the consequences for being undoubtedly irresponsible of yesterday. finally, finally, finally i am holding a complete soft-copy of my oh-so-precious science research paper. i can't help but think of the quote that makes me work as hard as i can for this piece of crap! the words, it really passes through the tiniest pore of my skin, it really journeys even through my nostrils and worse, through my ear drums! speaking of those words quoted from my advanced physics teacher, "your research book will be your passport to graduation", i just can't take the thought of not graduating this year! it's a mess! it's a threat to me! i know im exaggerating. i just can't help myself not to.

thank god, i've got something to present and defend tomorrow. although my experiment's not yet done because of a bunch of curse, i'm glad there are alternatives.

i can't explain this dionysiac once in a while. it's getting through my nerves. i wan't to cry and shout as loud!!! i realized that im going too fast. i am so much after what's college life for me, and because of that, i forget that i have things to fulfill in high school in order to graduate. i don't scan my notes anymore neither make my assignments by myself. crap! im the laziest person i've known throughout my existence. what a shame on me.

tomorrow's defense day, i hope i would not freak out infront of our panelist.

Worry is running

a horror movie

about the future

- without a

stop button.

XOXO,

TiM

WHEN BOREDOM STRIKES

2009-01-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

i spent the whole afternoon taking random pics.

guess, there's nothing more to say. it's about VANITY.

MOCK YEARBOOK PROLOGUE

2009-01-24T09:59:00.000+08:00

i wouldn't want it to be trashed in a dumpster. no, i wouldn't allow that to happen. enough is enough. the favoritism in our school, it must have made me immune enough. we were asked to construct a yearbook design proposal consisting of eight pages (front cover, profile, divider's page, activities, prologue, epilogue, back cover). im one-hundred-and-a-ninety-nine-percent sure that my group's proposal would not make way. instead, it'll be just a flitter in our school's disposal area. i would just want to narrate what i've wrote for our prologue. as usual, this blog is one of a dump site to me. it's where i throw my writing skills that weren't recognized that much at school.

P R O L O G U E

looking back on how high school life has been for about more than two-hundred strangers, it is hardly easy to mull over things that brought these strangers together. the only thing left to describe the past is a post-graduation nostalgia.

people who belonged to this batch shared one characteristic in common---being UNIQUE. we always wanted to do things in our own way. even to the extent of launching simple activities, we would easily outstand our opponents. though blended with a bunch of personalities, we were able to communicate.

talking about how-things-started-slash-how-things-ended-this-way, gap and discrimination happened, enough for us to realize that we weren't good at things as a batch anymore. then losses and negative energies came our way. we've been through a lot, a lot that we didn't notice the ticking of the clock, a lot that we weren't able to see the clock's hand strike from one minute to the other. there came a point that we almost gave up and let opponents come our way. we, the strangers appeared to be strangers, still, not until we met the gaze of our senior life. senior life made all the difference. entering that life seemed like we were in a magnetic field---in physics, it's a field where like signs repel and unlike signs attract. an invisible magnetic field do exist, binding different personalities, differnt charges togehter.

talking about fashion, colored pants, skinny jeans, high-waist pants, aviators, shutter shades and suspenders way back from the 60's to the 80's became all the more trendy. those were the days. to wrap it all up, this batch so far, known for their creativity, gave life to what existed as mere photographs of the past. their fashion sense, being old-fashioned, speaks about their maturity. thus, branded as TEENS GONE RETRO.

PS: for the 8 DRAFT DESIGNS, i'll be posting it soon.

XOXO,

TiM

AN UPDATE iNTO THE BOOK LAND

2009-01-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

done reading NEW MOON. :)

*NOW READING: ECLIPSE, twilight's series book 3, new moon's sequel.

In the dead silence, all the details suddenly fell into place for me with a burst of intuition.

XOXO,

TiM

i FELL iNLOVE WiTH CALCULUS, finally

2009-01-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

derivatives. differential. integral. slope. degree. permutation. combination. limits. graphs. oh-so-gibberish, till i finally fell inlove with it. it's called CALCULUS. lucky for me, i encountered this subject as early as now so i won't be eaten up by terror math professors in the near future. :)

it's been 2 quarters long till i finally gave in to the subject i tried to love. i've got a knack for math but not so much unlike science. i really don't pay attention during math classes. i tend to sleep when the teacher's out of sight. haha.

since i've fallen for calculus, i'm planning to be a two-timer. how about putting a realtionship with analytic geometry? i'd better try before it's too late. there's one month to go.

XOXO,

TiM

A MAiD'S DAY OUT. RETROSPECT 006

2009-01-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

nothing significant bout it. i do it a lot of times, countless times in the history of my existence.

since exams were fast-approaching and traditionally, i buy new pen and a new handy notebook for my outline which is considered to be a charm or a good luck for me, i went to the town wearing the same pants i wore yesterday and a baggy t-shirt that looked so old. i appeared to be old-fashioned around. and i call myself a maid, today. i dress like i've been going out and having a day out. laugh, laugh, laugh! :)

XOXO,

TiM

SCiENCE RESEARCH; do you hate it, too?

2009-01-21T20:30:00.000+08:00

forgive me, blogger. this post was ought to be done last january 17, 2008. here i am, making up to you. :)

for seniors students like me, science research is no good, not a benefit at all. it only accompanies our sleepless nights and not-so-enjoyable-senior-life year. deadlines, paper format, interviews, surveys and further research on studies related to ours, that's a caliber. im mumbling about this because it has to do something with my saturday experience. i went spectra-hunting at the nearest ever research forest--- WMSU, CSM. im really, deeply, anxiously, and deadly frustrated not being able to quench my thirst, thirst for the success of our experiment. what will i do now? poor me. i am advised to come over at night time to do the experiment because we were dealing with flame, a not so clear variable in day light. just so you'd know, i'd risk my two-day learning experience at school just to set an appointment with a professional research counselor at WMSU. two days of waste that dragged me to nothing better, even worse!why is fortune so rude to me, nowadays? can't i quench an inch of thirst in me now? we did the our nth trial as well, here are some shots to witness.

XOXO,

TiM

my firsts [RETROSPECT 005]

2009-01-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

sorry for the late post. if not for you, i won't be praying so hard for the ELECTRICITY to visit me. i really wanted to update you but, unfortunately, this is what i have-- power source-related problems. hate it for once!

ahh. it's something to do with my first tear and first absence for this year.

first couple of tears were shed during my fight with my piano teacher. i suck at reading notes speedily but not at picking up tunes. i pretty well play using my ears and not my eyes. i hated reading words, what more for NOTES? when i look at the staff and the music book, i feel dizzy and tend to read first before playing. i wouldnt play and read at the same time. i hated it! my piano teacher said i was given musical pieces that were not even for my level because she saw the great effort and interest. that's what she sees. all i can say is that, there's no effort for that-- the passion wraps it all. i loved music more than anything else that was intangible. she was even impressed when i mastered my piece at the end of december knowing that she gave it to me just that mid-october. the time alloted for students to master their pieces was from october-february. all im up to now is how to make the stage mine this coming march!

first super-heart-breaking absence was done just today when i had to finish my research. it's all because of my worse enemy, BLACK OUT! i really feel bad about it. i dont really miss classes even to the extent of getting sick. i'd rather sleep the whole day in our school clinic at least im confident that i was in the campus. i just dont know why im attached to my academe like this. it's not just me. i always get my report card mark as PERFECT ATTENDANCE.

[stories of what i did during my absence will be soon talked-out further.]

XOXO,

TiM

NOW READiNG: *NEW MOON; twilight's sequel

2009-01-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

upon reading, i finally shed my first tear ever for the year 2009. wanna know what struck me most? read the book by yourself. actually, im not yet done invading the pages of this book-o-sphere.

im afraid i might have this book in hand 'till next week. it might be also one of my sweetest temptation for the upcoming 4th periodic exam. STEPHENIE MEYER, I WANNA GRADUATE! why'd you make such book this time? or shall i reconstruct my sentence. why'd i have the book only this time? i should have spent my christmas break reading so i wont be tempted, today.

CAN'T WAIT TILL GRADUATION!

XOXO,

TiM

a shot i took myself

2009-01-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

i may not be that good in photography. i just wanted to share.